HIt Me Baby One More Time!

Stronger

This is NOT a post about Brittany Spears.  If you came here as a Spears fan – stick around you may learn something!  This isn’t about Kelly Clarkson either, the song just seemed appropriate.  For the rest of you buckle up, it’s a bumpy ride on the trail today.  You may recognize a similar expression that made me think of this title, but I didn’t feel I should use that expression.

Yesterday was an epic fail!  No blog post, no writing on novel, not even any editing. I didn’t even get the house cleaned.  My “day-job” took much longer than usual, and the list of “to-do’s ” seemed endless.  By the way the list is still incomplete, as it is flooding into another day.  Y’all know that life happens sometimes, the trick is to not let it get to you right?

Well, at least such were the wonderful words of advice from my friend.  It was great advice really, and the more I thought about it, the more sense it made.  I made the comment that I just need to “suck it up, put on my big girl pants”and get over it.

Here’s the response:

    “it really has nothing to do with “sucking it up”.  It’s just a mental attitude.  The whole “suck it up” thing . . . that’s just another projection, mostly from the Midwest.   It’s not so much, “I gotta suck it up!” because you’re still focusing on your problem, only from a different POV, and the Midwest is the worst for this.  Suck it up is bullshit, it’s saying, “your problem is still there, but you’re going to Tough It OUT!   It’s like carrying bricks, no one likes it, because it sucks.

WOW!  You know, sometimes you need a cold slap of reality.  How true is this?  No wonder I just keep feeling more and more stressed, I’m never laying any bricks down.  Yep, I’m a Midwesterner with the midwestern outlook at times.  No matter how much progress you think you’ve made, life has a way of reminding you just exactly what your humble beginnings are.

I pondered those words through my aquacise class.  There was a different instructor, and she worked us, pushing us to do more adding interval training to the workout.  The regular instructor takes more of a TAi Chi in the water approach – reach your inner harmony.  Great, that may work for some, but not me.  I paid for a class to raise my heart rate and improve my health, not to come home the same soft lump of flesh that I’ve been with balanced chi.

Ever realize what you could have had, then decide you’re not happy with what you have?  Yeah, I’m there.  I can’t switch to this instructors class as there’s a schedule conflict, but I can certainly apply what she had us do to the Chi instructor.  Aquacise class is fun, but it hasn’t been the cardio workout I’ve been used to prior to my knee injury.  To be honest , if it weren’t for the knee injury I probably never would have signed up for this class.  I’d still be trading off with the cardio equipment. But, as the doctor only released me to do the deepwater aerobics I signed up.

So, while I’m working up a sweat my mind is pondering the earlier advice.  When it hits me that I’ve been doing this for a very long time, and I’m just carrying around a huge bag filled with bricks.  You want to know the saddest part?  Most of them aren’t even my bricks.

I’m not a worrier, and I’ve never been one prone to give into that because it accomplishes nothing.  Nothing is ever changed by worrying, and quite often the things that we worry about never come to pass. This thing I’ve been doing is not worrying, no it’s  the very thing that got me into the mess before, taking on other people’s burdens.  As if I dont’ have enough of my own stuff to deal with, I have this need to help.

Can’t handle that?  Here, just give it to me, toss it in the bag with the rest of them. I”ll handle it for you.  Then while I”m dragging around this huge bag of bricks, the other people go on their merry way – tralala!

In addition to this, there’s the self-pity thing I’ve been feeling about not being able to do the things I’m used to doing.  OK, it was the self-pity that prompted the advice.  I keep telling myself that it’s only temporary, but inside I’ve been having a pity party.  I didn’t share details with this friend, just generalities.  Isn’t it amazing how accurate the assessment was?

This morning I read a post from an online friend Sian Young:

http://siansblogonwriting.blogspot.com/2012/04/breaking-that-childhood-mold.html?spref=fb

Double slap!  Well played Sian!  Suck it up should be removed from my language, and get over yourself plastered on the wall in front of my desk.

I’ll be the first to admit, I’m the hardest on myself. If I do something good, I say it should have been great.  If I passed a test, I point out that I didn’t get 100%.  When I was in high school and earlier, I really didn’t have to work for my grades and I got straight A’s.  It was a rude awakening when I actually had to study in college, especially when I’d never learned study skills.  Being the overachiever though I threw myself into it wholeheartedly and managed well enough to graduate cum laude.  Then of course I beat myself up mentally for not manageing magna cum laude.  Go figure!

My 8th grade teacher once said to me “You have so much potential, it’s just a shame you don’t use it.”  Those words are emblazoned in my mind, and in many ways he was right.  In other ways, I’ve let it overshadow to the point that I don’t allow myself to celebrate small accomplishments. combined with my perfectionist streak, well I told you it’s a scary playground in there.

My point is, don’t sweat the small stuff.  Most of it is, after all, small stuff.  Deal with life as it comes, then let it go.  Celebrate the small mile markers along with the big goals.  Sometimes change is necessary,so embrace it.  Change like taxes and death, are inevitable.

I think we are all more capable than we think we are.  Keep that in mind when the thorns along the trail you’re blazing leave you scratched and bleeding.  The view from the top is worth it.  Keep on trekking, and write on!