Breaking the Language Barrier


Scientists have deciphered the language from the Rosetta stone and determined how to read hieroglyphics.

They used cryptology to crack enemy messages during WWII.  Yet, the language barrier between the sexes remains. What we really need is an Ap for our phones that will decipher the language differences of the sexes.  This would be the hottest selling gadget ever produced! I can see it now – millions of dollars rolling in from sales.

A typical exchange of  “What do you want to do tonight?” can result in a huge fight.

When a guy says “What do you want to do?”  What he’s really saying is: I don’t really care what we do, as long as we spend time together. I just want to be with you.”

When a woman says “What do you want to do?” What she’s really saying is: “I want you to decide, and take me somewhere exciting. I ‘m waiting for you to be romantic and know that I want to be treated special and besides you should know by now what I like to do.  HMMMMMPH!”

The outcome often ends up “Fine, we’ll just stay home.”  “Fine”

When a guy says “What’s for supper?”  What he’s really saying is “ I’m hungry.”

When a woman hears “What’s for supper?”  It’s Russian roulette.  It could mean “That smells good, what is it? I’m hungry!”  It could mean “Why haven’t you started supper yet?”  It could mean “Do you really expect me to eat that?”  Or it could be an opportunity if she hasn’t started supper to be treated to dinner out.  Round and round the chamber goes, where it stops only the hormones know.

*Caution to all men, one or more of the chambers are loaded.*

   How do you know when it’s safe?  It’s not.

When a guy says “ I don’t have anything to wear.”  This means he has no clean clothes, or no appropriate clothes.  This could lead to an argument either way, so men never voice this.  Instead, they put on the clothes they wore yesterday and avoid confrontation.  The topic of laundry has proven to be  a minefield.  Yesterday’s shirt is less dangerous, even if it does stink.

When a woman says “I don’t have anything to wear.”  What this really means is there is nothing new in her closet.  She’s tired of the same clothes.  She wants something new, something fresh.  In other words, “I’m going shopping honey, and I’m getting new clothes.  I want you to come and tell me what looks pretty on me and what doesn‘t make my butt look big.”

A 12-volume compendium could be zipped into one handy-dandy little ap with a pink icon for cell phones.  Instant interpretation would let the man know if his best bet is to lay down and play dead, or present arms filled with roses.

I would be richer than Oprah! Possibly even richer than Bill Gates!  It would be the sensation of the century, and I would have millions of fans!

However, there’s a kink in the basic algorithm.  The trouble is, it also depends on the particular woman.  I’m working on it.

Write on my friends, write on!

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4 comments on “Breaking the Language Barrier

  1. The App would have to have a biometrics function. It would have to measure the woman’s body temperature, hormone level and blood pressure before offering 3 appropriate responses. And if you can get it to link with the “Night sky” app to give planetary alignment, then we can get down to 2 choices. for the ONE perfect answer, the app would have to know: the kids grades, your bank balance and phone records to ascertain if the mother-in-law called that day…

    I can TOTALLY program this.. LOL

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    • OH yes I’ve considered all the variations, the moon phases, the astrological placements, the blood types, the age, and many other variables. Frequency of prior explosions would have to be calculated for the logistics of calcualting potential future irritations.

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  2. You would most certainly be rich! I’d prefer it if, you know, women actually said what they were thinking… but I guess that’s not meant to be = (

    As for the ‘what’s for supper’ thing. My mom makes dinner every Sunday, I always come down and ask when will it be ready. Not because I’m desperately hungry, but because I’d just like to know when we’ll be eating. She often replies annoyed saying something vague ‘Two-ish.’ – which is always a lie, it’s always later. I think she presumes I’m saying ‘make it quickly, I’m hungry.’ typical man style. So now I have to always include a sentence previous to asking ‘when’s it ready’ in order to show I’m not just pressuring her into making it sooner.

    To be honest I don’t like her making dinner for me, I like to making every meal myself, so it really upsets me that she thinks I would pressure her into making it quickly = / So hurry up, make the translator and save me!

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