The Thestral – yes, borrowed from Harry Potter world is being used for your visual reference. It is the closest thing to what is inside my mind at the moment. Scary indeed, be happy I am not a phenomenon artist and this creature will stand in.
Time Management – I swear it is my arch nemesis. I sometimes wonder if the T virus isn’t somehow connected to Skynet, and the Terminator cyborgs via time management tools. The zombie horse has not only risen again, but produced spawn. In version 3.0 I dropped a cultural awareness class I was taking. It was an informal small group setting, not an academic thing. What was promoted as an hour and a half class – figure two hours for travel – turned into a four or five-hour time vacuum. Hmmm, perhaps Skynet and the Umbrella Corporation are really one and the same. *taps chin – intrigued*
In evaluating my priorities, I determined that I couldn’t afford to give up four to five hours every week to the class, so I quit. Tentacle Number one snaked out and wrapped around my wrist. The facilitator called to let me know my absence was missed. I was honest and up front about my reasons for dropping. “Well, how much time does your ‘part time’ job require each week? And how much time does the writing require? Can’t you just write in the evenings instead of watch tv?”
Excuse me? Is that really any of her business? NO! However, I answered. Why do we feel compelled to answer nosy questions that aren’t their business?
Tentacle two popped out, encircling and compressing my chest. Now I’m getting miffed! “How much time does it take to write anyway?” You know, if I decided to sit on my butt and pick my nose all day it’s not really anyone elses business but my own, and my nose’s! A third tentacle tried to snake out, I lopped it off right away! Between my roles as parent, wife, employee and writer there just aren’t enough hours in the day!
Here’s the thing: people always want you to do their projects. I’ve spent way too much time expending my efforts for someone else’s projects. If Donald Trump said “I don’t have time in my schedule for that.” Would anyone question him? No, they would not! Now, I know I’m not Donald Trump, but why should my time be any less valuable?
Making the call to pursue my dreams is not a popular decision. Ever notice how all the people you helped never offer to help you with your goals? Yeah, not a popular decision but sometimes you have to be selfish. I knew there would be resistance. The whole point in hiring my coach Tasha is to be more productive with the time I have. To make a concerted effort towards my own goals and to undo the years of bad habits that I’ve acquired. It took me many years to be comfortable with myself, to accept my own unique talents and gifts. There is much I want to change or improve in my life, but the essential part of me I’ve made peace with.
Evan Sanders has touched on something similar in his blog The Better Man Project. He talks about authenticity. He also mentions about being comfortable with himself. At the end of the day I want to have a clear conscious, and a sense of accomplishment. That’s never going to happen by doing other people’s projects and ignoring my own dreams. This is such a simple thing, but I find I am surrounded by a whole generation that was never encouraged to pursue our own dreams. We were told to be practical, sensible, and responsible. It’s only through pursuing my own dreams that I discover that those three things can indeed overlap with pursuing the dreams that are within myself and give the sense of satisfaction that even a high paying professional career did not provide.
Self confidence is a powerful drug! It also seems to be the antivirus for the dead horse strain of the T virus. I have to admit, five years ago I would have folded, and given in to the “pressure” – oh we need you, it’s a good thing, whatever the catch phrase was that was essentially emotional blackmail to manipulate me into giving up my time for someone else’s cause. They are often good things, not going to argue with that. At some point though we have to evaluate is it the best thing for us?
Have you given your time up for someone else’s cause? For their pet project while shelving your own plans? Is this just a mom thing or is it deeper than that? What is it about the Donald Trump’s of the world that never struggle with these things and how do I get it?
Please share your thoughts, your struggles, or any advice you may have on this. Meanwhile steer clear of the zombies!
Write on my friends, write on!
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