Paranoid Delusions


I do not own this photo, it was a free wallpaper.

Ever have one of those major setbacks? Like a mid-season sports injury that ends the year for  you when this was going to be the year scouts were going to notice you and you’d get offered a scholarship to an ivy league school. Well no, I guess it  wasn’t quite that bad but it sure made things difficult for a good while.

One person is taken from your life unexpectedly, without  reason without warning.  Another betrays a trust, it can be nearly devastating.  Physical injuries from my car crash were easier to overcome than these things.  It took a good while for some of those injuries to heal, in fact I still have a huge knot on my knee, sore shoulder, some issues with my neck, and the two fingers that were jammed are ultra sensitive.  None of that compares to the loss of  a loved one or betrayal.

The grief of dealing with death is a part of life. It’s difficult, it hurts but the finality of it forces us to move forward even if it’s at a snail’s pace. The grieving process is not a fun journey at all but dealing with betrayal from someone close really knocked me for a loop.

I’ve been dealing with computer issues for a couple of weeks now, one of which was being locked out of my accounts, and having my personal accounts such as this one hacked into by a trusted person.  This same person destroyed – whether it was accidental as they claim or whether it was deliberate intent – it’s really irrelevant at this point.  Three years worth of work was destroyed.  Thanks to some great friends that have done some beta reading for me, I’ve been able to recover most of that.  Once before I had lost ten chapters, it was my own doing so I was just frustrated.  I rewrote it and I believe it ended up better than the first time.

I see some of my friends achieving their goals and am left sitting on the side of the road, unable to complete my race. Well this time around any ways.  I’m not going to just sit here and feel sorry for myself.  I’ve been in a bit of shock over this, and  had to take some time to regroup and refocus.

I will not quit will not relent.  If I have to rewrite everything from scratch I will.  It will be better, more thought out, less chaotic.  I still have my notes, my cards, partial files I can piece things together. If nothing I’ve learned some valuable lessons.  the biggest one being that I can not surrender my dreams ever again.  Nor will I allow a saboteur to steal them from me.

OK, supposedly it was an accident.  Well , sleep with one eye open because other accidents have been known to happen as well.  A trust betrayed will never be misplaced again. Opportunity abounds but closes for those who prove themselves untrustworthy. Never underestimate a woman, and especially a woman with a dream.

Write on my friends, write on. I certainly will be!


4 comments on “Paranoid Delusions

  1. I can’t even begin to understand how someone would be driven to such an act, nor how I’d handle it. Sounds as if you’re standing strong but I’m sending support vibes and offering either shoulder should you need to lean and rest for a bit. Good grief. ((((hug)))).

    Write on indeed.


  2. frankly told me I have no talent to obtain this dream, I guess they thought that no one needed to read my garbage. I’ve read things I don’t like, doesn’t mean I would destroy it. What drives someone to malicious actions? I don’t know.


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