Isn’t it amazing the things that you find out when you just listen? Listening is a true talent. Too many people apparently like the sound of their own voice much too much to listen to others.
It’s a rare treat when you find someone who actually listens to you. Hence, people are willing to pay their therapists big money to listen to their woes. Likewise, when you find good friends that are willing to actually listen. those are the friends you want to keep around because you know they listen and they care.
But are you a listener? Do you hear what people say? A good listener is patient, and doesn’t cut you off in the middle of what you are saying. They don’t necessarily offer advice, but understand why you are upset. A good listener lets you rant, or think things out, or however you work through your troubles. We all know eventually we end up figuring out on our own over ninety percent of the time anyway, we just needed a sounding board. Having said that, however, as a good friend you should be able to reciprocate that.
There are a large percentage of the people that just want to dump on you. They want to unload all their woes on you like you are their personal psychologist. If it gets to be a regular habit – charge them or take it in trade.
Ah, but then there are the group of people of which this post is about. The ones that speak with forked tongues, or speak out of both sides of their face. Only a good listener will hear what they are really saying. ( Can I get a witness from one of my girls?)
For example, the ex girlfriend who is now your ” friend” because she wants to keep the peace. First of all, don’t believe it. If it involves the same man forget about it until you are an ex also. THEN the two of you can be friends and “friend” the current Ms. thing. How many of you know right from the start that setup is a one way ticket to the cat-fight?
Then there are the ones that flattery oozes out of their mouth, but if you listen closely you will hear the hissing in the air as the hidden words and their true meanings singe your nose hairs. Take cover for these can be venomous, and will strike just as soon as you let them get close.
Yet the one that always trips me up is the one that says a lot, but never says what they truly think. They may make ” innocent” comments comparing hair. They listen well enough to learn where the chinks in your armor are. Many women are self-conscious about their bodies, so she may say something about her workout being easy, or that she’s lost weight or somehow topping what you said the last time. There may be a discussion about hair, and since you expressed last time that your hair grows slow she says that her hair grows really fast and that she needs to get it trimmed again. Underneath all this are the embers of rage, The truth of the matter is, for whatever reason – usually a man – she’s decided to be catty and make you pay for her own personal hell.
Now, you may think I exaggerate but I don’t. Men get into it, they race cars, play sports, get in the boxing ring and have it out. Women are never so blatant. Women when spurned can be vengeful wicked creatures. The expression hell hath no fury like a woman spurned is true. Here’s the tricky part: it doesn’t even have to be you that has caused the spurning! In fact, if there is any connection in her mind made that you are associated with the object of her revenge, that makes you a relevant target to practice on.
You may think I am a bit paranoid or delusional. Think what you want but I am still being cautious with certain individuals. Especially when they are sugary sweet. ( Dead giveaway. You don’t know when they will strike – just that they will.) Think I’m crazy? A woman drove to Florida wearing an adult diaper to kill her lover’s ex, and you think I’m making this stuff up? Trust me, there are some real whackos out there.
Luckily, most of us are relatively sane. I think.
Stay safe and keep writing. Some of this stuff is good for characters, just be careful to change the names and places to avoid lawsuits.
Write on my friends, write on!