A Learned Skill

Isn’t it amazing the things that you find out when you just listen?   Listening is a true talent.  Too many people apparently like the sound of their own voice much too much to listen to others.

It’s a rare treat when you find someone who actually listens to you.  Hence, people are willing to pay their therapists big money to listen to their woes.  Likewise, when you find good friends that are willing to actually listen. those are the friends you want to keep around because you know they listen and they care.

But are you a listener?  Do you hear what people say?  A good listener is patient, and doesn’t cut you off in the middle of what you are saying.  They don’t necessarily offer advice, but understand why you are upset.  A good listener lets you rant, or think things out,  or however you work through your troubles.  We all know eventually we end up figuring out on our own over ninety percent of the time anyway, we just needed a sounding board.   Having said that, however, as a good friend you should be able to reciprocate that.

There are a large percentage of the people  that just want to dump on you.  They want to unload all their woes on you like you are their personal psychologist.  If it gets to be a regular habit – charge them or take it in trade.

Ah, but then there are the group of people of which this post is about. The ones that speak with forked tongues, or speak out of both sides of their face.  Only a good listener will hear  what they are really saying.  ( Can I get a witness from one of my girls?)

For example, the ex girlfriend who is now your ” friend” because she wants to keep the peace.  First of all, don’t believe it.  If it involves the same man forget about it until you are an ex also.  THEN  the two of you can be friends and “friend” the current Ms. thing.  How many of you know right from the start that setup is a one way ticket to the cat-fight?

Then there are the ones that flattery oozes out of their mouth, but if you listen closely you will hear the hissing in the air as the hidden words and their true meanings singe your nose hairs.  Take cover for these can be venomous, and will strike just as soon as you let them get close.

Yet the one that always trips me up is the one that says a lot, but never says what they truly think.  They may make ” innocent” comments comparing hair.  They listen well enough to learn  where the chinks in your armor are.   Many women are self-conscious about their bodies, so she may say something about  her workout being easy, or that she’s lost weight or somehow topping what you said the last time.  There may be a discussion about hair, and since you expressed last time that your hair grows slow  she says that her hair grows really fast and that she needs to get it trimmed again.  Underneath all this  are the embers of rage,  The truth of the matter is, for whatever reason – usually a man –  she’s decided to be catty and  make you pay for her own  personal hell.

Now, you may think I exaggerate but I don’t.  Men get into it, they race cars, play sports, get in the boxing ring and have it out.  Women are never so blatant.   Women when spurned can be vengeful wicked creatures.   The expression hell hath no fury like a woman spurned is true.  Here’s the tricky part:  it doesn’t even have to be you that has  caused the spurning!  In fact, if there is any connection in her mind made that you are associated with the object of her revenge, that makes you a  relevant target to practice on.

You may think I  am a bit  paranoid or delusional.  Think what you want but I am still being cautious with certain individuals.  Especially when they are sugary sweet.  ( Dead giveaway.  You don’t know when they will strike – just that they will.)  Think I’m crazy?  A woman drove to Florida wearing  an adult diaper to kill her lover’s ex, and you think I’m making this stuff up?  Trust me,  there are some real whackos out there.

Luckily, most of us are relatively sane.  I think.

Stay safe and keep writing.  Some of this stuff is good for characters, just be careful to change the names and places to avoid lawsuits.

Write on my friends, write on!

 

 

 

 

Two Guys Walk Into An Apocalypse

Today I have with me some very special guests. It’s been a while since I’ve done an interview, and this one is going to be a bit different.

* I give a tentative glance to Vicki’s friends, unable to hide my disgust at the goo and smells that are emanating from the two men behind her. *

I um, guess I should have expected this from zombie slayers.

* The blue eyed blond picks what appears to be an eyeball off his shoulder.*

Just a second. *I pull Vicki aside and briefly discuss with her*

Alright folks, Vicki is going to take it from here. Normally I would be running the interview but , well I’m not used to disemboweled bits of zombie – Oh God, did he just pull a finger out of his hair?

Right! Vicki is taking over. Nice to meet you gentlemen, now I have to get over to the other set for Storytime. It seems someone left one of the subs on the St. Andrews Cross.

*shaking Vicki’s hand, eyeing the two men nodding to them then rushing out the backstage door before my stomach empties from the smell, shouting over my shoulder*

“Sorry Vicki, we’ll catch up an other time. There’s refreshments on the table there and the staff can get you whatever you need.”

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Before we get busy chatting and I forget, I`d like to thank Ellie for having us here today. I`d give her a hug but we had to battle zombies to get here and I`m rather funky and definitely not sunshine fresh! It`s a pleasure to meet you. My name is V.L. Locey and I`m an author of romantic comedies for all, which means I pen the love and laughter for both readers of M/F and/or M/M tales.

In case you`re wondering who the two fine looking men behind me are, let me introduce the stars of my newest release Two Guys Walk into an Apocalypse 2: It Came From Birmingham. The blond with the devil in his blue eyes is Paul Cooke, and the tall, dark, and handsome man at his side is his partner Gordon Moretti. Just ignore the speckles of undead stuff on their clothes.

Paul-“See this is why I hate zombies! Look at this. What the hell is this? Smell this and tell me if this is brain goo or something from a bowel.”

 Gordon draws back from the icky finger under his wrinkled nose. “Forget it, I`m not smelling your finger. God knows where it`s been last.”

Paul” Don`t play coy-boy, we both know where it was.”

 With a wink Paul drops into a chair, leaving his love to mumble under his breath before taking his seat.

 V.L. –“Oh-kay, moving on. Can you guys believe that you`re getting your own books? Are you as excited as I am?!”

 Paul arches an eyebrow at his creator bouncing in her seat like a weasel on crack. “I`m happy yes, but not quite to the frenetic ferret stage,” he smiles, leaning back and resting a shotgun over his thighs.

 Gordon-“I`m actually pretty tickled. I never thought when we first ran into Zendra and their miserable strain of terroristic super rabies, that we would ever be getting our own books. It`s rather humbling.” He too relaxes back, a deer rifle coming to rest on his powerful legs.

 Paul-“It is humbling. Who knew the world was hungry for two gay men, a cat, a senile military man, and a world filled with undead. I personally think it was my killer wit, lovely blue eyes, and the way I turn a phrase. Plus, my knowledge of pop culture is without equal.”

 Gordon-“Without equal now that probably ninety-eight percent of the pop culture mavens on the planet are either deceased or extra`s for Brad Pitt`s upcoming summer blockbuster?”

 Paul-“Are they re-releasing Fight Club again?”

 V.L.-“Before we slip any further into a lovers war of words, why don`t you guys tell me about Two Guys 2 as its affectionately being called!”

 Gordon pushes some a damp strand of dark hair from his face. “Well, Two Guys 2 picks up where we left things in the novella that appeared in the He Loves Me For My Brainsss anthology. Paul and I are about to head west to try to find a cure in the Zendra Laboratories plant in California. It`s me, Paul, our neighbor Colonel Richards, and our cat, Tallahassee. And yes, before anyone asks, she is named after the iconic character played so brilliantly by Woody Harrelson in Zombieland.  Trust me, if we had known we`d be living the same nightmare they did in the movie, we`d have named her something else.”

Paul-“We just adore Woody. Oh, sorry, did I interrupt? Pray continue sugar bumps.” Getting a long and quite tired look from his beloved, Paul pretends to zip his lips. Those of us who know him are aware this lip zippering will last less than two minutes tops.

 Gordon-“Aside from Paul`s lust for Woody, Two Guys 2 takes the four of us – we count the cat as an us and not an it – and finds us on the road to the west coast. Things don`t go exactly as we plan though, and we soon find ourselves sucked into a face-off with Zendra and the US military.”

 Paul-“We also pick up some new friends along the way,” he says before pulling a moue, “Well, some are friends. There is a particular newcomer to the story that is the human equivalent of a malignant hemorrhoid, if you catch my drift?”

 V.L.-“Yep, your drift is caught Mr. Cooke. So I take it there`s lots of action and zombie slaying gory goodness in this book, as well as a touch of acerbic humor?”

 Gordon-“Yeah, just a touch of the acerbic.” He smiles and shows me about a millimeter of space between his thumb and forefinger. “I live with Mr. Mordant if you recall? And wasn`t your mouth supposed to be zipped?”

 Paul rolls his light blue eyes dramatically and clamps his mouth closed, leg crossed over knee, foot now bouncing rapidly.

 Gordon-“There`s also romance, you know that goes without saying. And sex.”

 Paul-“Hot monkey sex, but that may change in the next book if someone who`s name rhymes with Pordon doesn`t stop reminding me to zip my lip. Just saying honey,” the blond zombie slayer waves a hand in the air before returning to bouncing his foot once more.

 Gordon shakes his head slowly. “So yeah, that`s pretty much the set-up for the book. Zombies, humor, action, gore, road trips, sex, and crude jokes.”

 Paul-“I don`t make crude jokes, I`m too much a lady for that. It`s that thing that came north from Birmingham that`s so crass.”

 V.L.-“On that note, we`ll call this interview done. Paul, Gordon, thanks so much for agreeing to meet with me to tell folks about your new book coming from Torquere Press. I can`t wait to meet you here when Two Guys 3 is released!”

 Paul-“Oh it was our pleasure, pumpkin. Where are we exactly? I love the décor!”

 Gordon-“It`s better than that gas station we met you in last time. This place doesn`t have dead zombies lying over the counter. Is dead zombie an oxymoron?”

 “No, that would be living dead, babe.”

 Gordon- “Ah, well, at least someone is retaining the important things about society.” Both men slowly push up from their seats.

 Paul-“Someone has to be in charge of keeping an eye on the idioms of the world.”

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 Thanks so very much for stopping in to get to know me and of course my stars Paul and Gordon. If you`re hankering to read a sexy M/M zom-rom-com, head on over to Torquere Press to grab your copy. You can find it right here-

 Two Guys Walk Into An Apocalypse

If you`d like to read the novella that started it all, you can find Two Guys Walk Into An Apocalypse in the anthology He Loves Me For My Brainsss by clicking on this link-http://www.torquerebooks.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=76&products_id=3774

 I love to meet and chat with new fans! You can find me at Facebook, Twitter, Google +, and here at my blog –http://thoughtsfromayodelinggoatherder.blogspot.com/

Yours in laughter and love-

 V.L. Locey

______________________________________________________________________________________________

*peaks head in backdoor*  Hello?   Is anyone here?  Anyone?  Bueller?

* walks into studio, seeing the mess all over the chairs*

Here’s a tip:  if you are going to schedule an interview for zombie slayers, cover the furniture with plastic.  Oh well, I wanted to replace these old chairs anyway.

Write on my friends, write on!

Foxy Roxy’s Dilemma

I”m back on Storytime!

It’s been a rough couple months  recovering physically for me.   Apparently it takes longer to heal when you get older.  I know the x-rays showed no broken bones, but I almost feel like they lied.  I still have pains in the injured areas, and complications  from the injuries.  Ibuprofen is my friend.  I quit taking the pain meds and muscle relaxers pretty quickly as they rendered me into a big pile of mush that just oozed onto the sofa.

I can make it about 15 minutes on the treadmill, then my hip catches and my lower back  pain begins.  the same goes for the elliptical, or the cycle.  Trying to strengthen the joints, while avoiding additional injury has been a real challenge for me.  Now, I’m not whining – you know I hate whine.  Just stating that I’ve had a few setbacks and am slower at recovering than I ever anticipated.

So, enough about me and my aches and pains.  I’m going to give you a little teaser for my new story over on Storytime.  It’s not as smouldering as some of my previous ones.

Here’s a sample from Oral Dilemma, Part 1.

It was the story of my life. The same thing that always got me in trouble – my mouth.  I stood just off  the stage, shaking inside, so nervous I wasn’t sure I could go through with this. 

“Hey, knock ‘em dead Roxy.”  His hand brushing my shoulder as he eased past me.  Devon Miller, the man I’d crushed on since 6^th grade.  Oh hell, who am I kidding? I’ve had a crush on him since that first day of kindergarten when he shared his fruit chews.  He was instantly my best friend.

We sat at the same table in class.  He rode my bus and we shared a seat because he lived four houses down and we got off at the same stop. We raced our bikes, played in the tree house, skipped stones at the pond and made mud pies.  Then in fourth grade my parents divorced.  I spent half my time with my dad and his flavor of the month. Back home mom worked long shifts at the hospital leaving my sister and me at Devon’s house. We made forts, hunted monsters, played video games and slept on the couch together.  Not that anything happened, we were just kids.

  By the 6^th grade, I’d gained a good amount of weight and was chubby.  That’s when Devon broke my heart the first time.  We were sitting at the edge of the pond skipping rocks when he told me he asked Casey Reynolds to the school dance.  Then he asked if anyone had asked me.  I’m not sure if I was more upset that he asked Casey, or that nobody asked ‘the chubby girl’. 

Anyway, it was the first in a long string of disappointments.  I’ve been a plus sized girl in a size 0 world ever since.  By my junior year I was in a size 16, my double D’s the only thing that got me dates. the rest of me is rather plain Jane nothing special.  My dark hair never gets noticed. My facial features are average.  I wasn’t blessed with thick long lashes, or pretty eyes, or even full luscious lips.  My lips are small, unnoticeable, and completely forgettable.  Although I’ve been called a big mouth for other reasons.  My ‘big mouth’ was always getting me into trouble by saying the wrong things.  I made a smart alec comment to Chad Ramsey, this gorgeous hunk of a soccer player and he challenged me to “put my money where my mouth was”.  He dared me, so it kind of forced my hand.  

Just then who should walk in but Devon with Phoebe Yates draped on his arm.  Phoebe was all of 98 pounds soaking wet. She’d make Taylor Swift look fat standing next to her.   Why I even cared I don’t know but I did.  It pissed me off, big time.  I slammed a glass of Jack and Coke, and told Chad  “I’ll accept your challenge.”

I grabbed Chad’s hand and dragged him to the unoccupied room, his bedroom. Once inside I kissed him hard, walking him backwards to the bed.  I followed him down when his knees hit the edge of the bed.  He scooted up to where his head was on the pillow as I climbed on top of him and straddled him. 

  “You’re really gonna let me?” Chad asked, his eyes huge, a hopeful grin on his face.

I slowly peeled my shirt off over my head and tossed it.  His eyes grew even larger.  I reached behind me to unclasp my bra hearing  the hitch in his breath.  I held the bra in place for a few seconds making him wait.  I nodded slowly, teasing him.  I knew he had a thing for breasts.  He was always flirting with me, I doubt that he even knew what color my eyes were as nothing registered above my tits. Slowly, very slowly I lowered my bra then tossed it on the floor.  I leaned forward teasing him with them, my nipples just barely out of reach of his lips.

If you want to read more go  to Storytime Trysts.

Check it out and let me know what you think of it.

Meanwhile I continue to work back towards what is normal, or at least what is normal for me.  Hopefully,  things will smooth out here pretty soon and I can gain some momentum once again.

Write on my friends, write on.

Inspiring Minds Want to Know

I Won The Most #Inspiring Blog #Award!

I was honored today to learn authorAllison Bruning  chose to award me!  How cool is that?

Allison is the author of Calico and Reflections.

This is a new blog award, pretty cool huh?  Ironic that I am getting these now, as I’ve not been keeping up with the blog recently.    This is encouragement to get back to it.  I will admit, I’ve missed it, and the blogging seems to help me clear my head to be able to focus on my fiction writing. Has anyone out there missed me,  missed my specific brand of sarcasm and wit?  Anyone?  Beuller?

This isn’t my typical post, but then again lately – what’s typical?  Life gets busy sometimes, you know?  I’ve been prepping for a speaking engagement, which was April 27th.  It went quite well.  Last year around this time, and this same seminar – I wrenched my knee and tore the meniscus in my left knee and the interior ligament.  I was more careful this time.

I don’t think the presentation was nearly as dynamic as melting a mannequin with a blow torch but then again, there were no fire hazards.  No props, no fire, just a video clip from ‘The Incredibles’, and PowerPoint pictures of a medieval knight ( Sir Rustalot stayed home this time), a modern knight – a marine; and Ironman! I know, you’re scratching your head wondering how in the world all of that was relevant to the other  but I managed.  You know me – tie together vampires and butterflies, or did you miss that post?

Then I’ve been tackling a home DIY project – might even post some pics of my finished work.  The oldest daughter is getting ready to graduate high school and before planning a party I realized – OMG, I’ve got  to paint the bathroom.  Then upon looking around  -and the hall, oh and the bedroom needs fresh paint.  But, for now I am sticking just with the bathroom and the hallway.

Now, onto the award:  the rules are pretty simple.

1.  Display the award on my Blog.  (check)
2.  Link back to the person who nominated me. (check – link above to Allison)
3.  State seven things about myself. ( oh come on, you guys don’t really need to know this stuff – it’s boring)
4.  Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award  and link to them.  (fifteen????  scratches head bewildered.  Well

I ‘ll see what I can manage)
5.  Notify these bloggers of the nomination and the award’s requirements.

Seven Things About Ellie

1) I often provide comedic relief in public gatherings, and not booked as the live act on stage.  ( I know shocking – you would have never guessed would you?)

2) Ha- here’s one that half the population probably doesn’t know – my eyes are brown.   Wait for it, wait for it – yeah.

3) During Desert Storm, I was a target specialist providing geodetic coordinates for smart bombs for the armed forces of the U.S.  Now, doesn’t it build your confidence to know that I was in charge of guided missiles and Bomb Damage Assessment to report to Washington?

4) When I was 17 I was selected as a Miss Missouri contestant.  I could have taken all those skinny B’s but I was nominated Miss Congeniality instead, so I let them live.

5) One of the many stupid things I did in my youth – I chased tornadoes.  Yes, you read that right – we chased tornadoes with a storm crew out of Oklahoma city for a semester in meteorology.  We took refuge inside a culvert that ran under a driveway, three of us squeezed in there, nearly drowning by the rapid flow of water, gasping and sputtering, and promising that I would never, never , NEVER, do anything so stupid again – ever.   ( That was the last time I rode in the van out in the field.)

6) I don’t really have any phobias, not really super afraid of anything.  I mean, I  have a healthy respect for snakes and insects but not phobic about them.  Two things that absolutely freak me out though, are parasites and octopus.  *cringes*  They are gross to even think about them.

7) I am the youngest daughter of a youngest daughter of a youngest daughter of a youngest daughter. Yeah – figure that one out.

See what I mean?  I’m not a very exciting person.  I mean it’s not like I  bungee jumped – oh wait, I did do that.  Well it’s not like I was in a tornado – oh wait did that one too.   Hmm, well I guess I can’t do too many more of these or I’ll be giving away all my secrets. Can’t have that!  After all, some of the magic of womanhood is the mystery.

I Give This Award To

I know it says to pick 15 people. I’m trying here – give me a break.

1) Cody Martin

2) Vicki Locey

3) Tina Brown

4) Krystol Diggs

5) Elizabeth Delana Rosa

6) Samantha Kay

7) Penelope Price

8) Cassidy Frazee

9) Abyrne Mostyn

10) Cathy Brockman

Little Mary Sunshine

What fun!! It’s great when you win awards!   I’ve won a blog award!!  Cool beans! 

My friend Abyrne Mostyn ( http://abyrnemostyn.com/)   presented me with the Sunshine Award last week, which is presented to those who positively and creatively inspire others in the blogosphere.

Wow!  I am honored that he feels I positively and creatively inspire others.  Haven’t been feeling very inspiring lately, maybe this will kick my derriere in gear. 

Thank you so much Abyrne!   BTW – if  you want a good short read in erotica, Abyrne’s book Swingers is excellent! 

 

As a recipient, I’ve been asked to share some information about myself.  You guys sure you want to know this stuff?  Well, here goes anyways:

Favorite Color:  Red

Favorite Animal:  raccoons and dragons

Favorite Number:  12

Favorite non-alcoholic Drink:  Coffee

Facebook or twitter?  Facebook –  I’m still a novice at twitter.

Passion:  Absolutely.  Life without passion is boring and dull.  In everything have passion.  Passion for  cooking good food, passion for living , passion in pursuing dreams, passion for writing, passion in my relationship. . . . ABSOLUTELY PASSION!

Giving or Getting a present:  Giving.  I just adore surprising my friends and loved ones with gifts.  Sometimes it’s just little things and often not anything extravagant, but it’s a way to express that I care.  Of course, not opposed to getting either but I get great joy in giving.

Favorite Day:  I don’t know, I’ll let you know when it happens. (Alright technically, this isn’t true but I figured I’d throw  out the cliché’ days of wedding and children’s births. I’ve had accomplishments, and good days over the course of my *clears throat* years.  But My favorite day hasn’t happened yet, I have a specific goal in mind.)

Favorite Flowers: Lilacs – A lot of happy childhood memories associated with lilacs.  My mother always had a lilac bush and they are  a sign that spring has arrived.

 

I’d like to take my turn and pass this award on to a couple of aspiring writers who you all wanna be watching out for as I know they are well into some great writing!!

David Alvin – http://heroesdontkill.blogspot.com/

Cody Martin – Resonant Blue – http://codylmartin.blogspot.jp/

Vicki Locey – Thoughts from a yodeling Goat Herder

Thanks Abyrne, I’m late but I still owe you!

 

Write on my friends write on!

Ways to Create Multi-Dimensional Characters–Tip #1

I thought this was a very good article. As always Kristin gives sound advice.

Kristen Lamb's Blog

To give characters depth, we have to be people-watchers. Study people. Know thyself. I strongly recommend reading books on psychology as part of research. For instance, I read a lot of FBI books on profiling.

As writers, characters need some amount of consistency without being predictable. If there is some deviation from the profile, there must be a good reason WHY, other than we need a character to act a certain way to move our story forward.

For instance, the shy librarian who rescues spiders cannot suddenly gouge out the eyes of a guy mugging her unless we can offer a reasonable explanation for this deviation from archetype. I.e. She could have been raped and left for dead as a teenager. Yes, she remained shy and soft-spoken and true to her character…until circumstances brought out that wounded part who was capable of going for the eyes.

Today I will focus…

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