Yes, it’s that time of year. The annual goal setting post for the coming year. NO, it’s not about football – sorry guys.
First a recap of 2013 –IT SUCKED BIG TIME! Not the worst year, 2009 still holds that honor for me, but it came in a close second.
Here’s a quick little recap for my own sense of justification if nothing else.
- January – food poisoning, yuck.
- February – death of my friend who was fleeing an abusive husband, totaled my Aztec – causing some serious back injuries that I am still having trouble with.
- March – nearly overdosed with pain meds and muscle relaxers to which I took myself off of. Felt like a victim of the t-virus. 3 Years of my work sabotaged – and partially lost. Through friends and my knack for making duplicate files I’ve managed to rebuild most of it, and what I have to rewrite is better. So there – * PFFFFFFTTTT* – Mr. Saboteur!
- April – tested for sleep apnea, scored off the charts and finally got some much-needed sleep.( Yay April – although expensive, the testing virtually saved my life!)
- May – this was just a blur as the entire month was taken up with graduation activities for my brilliant daughter. Did I mention she won a full scholarship to SEMO? Yeah, pretty proud of her. OH, and went to the doctor where he gave me the shocking news – I’m fat. DUH – so that’s what this is. I thought I was just stuck in a sumo suit. Silly me!
- June – a great month of futility as I tried to regain the level of fitness I had before my wreck, and was met with great pain. Felt like a total loser and failure.
- July- great improvements were made in the sleeping, with the CPAP machine. A stupid Darth Vader mask at night is a small price for my life ,right? Not very sexy, but then again neither is a corpse. Made good progress in my writing, and finally began to feel clear-headed about matters.
- August – ah the bills came in for all the medical expenses that I had incurred, and the bills come due to University housing. It’s only money right? I can make more, can’t I? At this rate I won’t be able to retire until I am 97!
- September – my first born child left home, off to college. It was an adjustment. Some of the injuries from the wreck have cleared, but the back pain has become nauseating at times.
- October – X-rays, and more bills. Well, I know now why my back hurts but the shock of seeing the medical proof that I did in fact come very close indeed to losing my life was a tough pill to swallow. Injuries to my neck that may eventually lead to immobility – arggh. A sideways S-curve to my lower spine below the ribs and before my pelvis that wasn’t there before, an accentuated curvature to my lower back, the last vertebrae crushed with the little knobby part sheared off and slid backwards and a fractured pelvis that hadn’t healed. Yeah, no wonder I’ve been in pain. And to top it all off you know x-rays cost a lot of money – which my spouse was quick to point out to me. Yeah, not amused with him at all.
- November – family drama, physical therapy, emotional wringer, and trying to function through the pain.
- December – I must admit the pain has diminished over the last few weeks – just in time to get hit with the flu, after a nice round of heartbreak.
Ah, but life goes on and the New Year approaches. I’m really pulling for a better year this year. Now, y’all know I am not typically a whiner. Sometimes life throws some hard things your way. I’ve not posted much this year because I couldn’t find my voice to be positive a lot of times. I gave in to the self-pity, to the despair, and even depression at times. So sue me – I’m only human.
I know, y’all thought I was a goddess supreme. Only in my fantasies sadly. BUT, I didn’t quit. I haven’t quit and I won’t quit! I am a fighter. History is written by the victors and I intend to win!
This year has kicked my butt ten ways to Sunday, but I’m getting up swinging. I’m back on my feet and more determined than ever.
I’ve got plans and dreams that no one can take from me, not fate nor any person – yeah I’m talking to you Mr. Saboteur. It’s funny how dream killers are never content to just let their own dreams die, they try to destroy other people’s dreams as well. Well Ellie is back in town and she’s going to KICK ASS!
I’ve got a lot of time to make up for and this next year is a milestone for me. I’m not where I intended to be and that ticks me off. My coach assures me I’ve made progress, but I still intend to push harder, longer, stronger, better than before. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and the seven hells would not contain the fire within the woman pushed to her limits. I’m working on my goal list now, it’s not complete. 50 is a big number. It’s sort of the last chance workout to get this thing right. A spine of steel trumps a wish bone any day!
Are you working on your goals list? Do you know what you want to accomplish in the coming year? Or are you just going to float by day-to-day and let life pass you by? Failure to plan is planning to fail. I don’t work well without goals. I tend to wander aimlessly down the path tralala and willy nilly. I intend to be focused and on target. It might get a little intense at times but so was the pain over this past year. If I can survive that – this should be a piece of cake.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “WOW, What a RIDE!”
I’m determined, how about you? Write on my friends – and have a plan!