Profound Lyrics

Over the past few weeks I’ve had to do some soul-searching and self-evaluating.  It’s a difficult and painful process. There are aspects that bring a smile to my face, others that trigger the tears to fall, and still others that give the warm fuzzies.  I’d like to be able to say there have been more warm fuzzies but I would be lying.

As a parent,  I  bought all the books from What to Expect When You are Expecting (An absolute must for the soon to be mom), to Dare to Discipline, The 5 Love Languages of Children, The Ultimate Parenting Guide,  to Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child.  OH, there were many others. My home library looked like a child psychologist’s office combined with a day care resource center with craft magazines and ideas to entertain my children, develop their fine motor skills, creativity, and pique their imaginations.

We became parents  a little late in life.  While many of my former classmates were fawning over preschool and school aged children, my husband and I were working in our chosen careers.

To be perfectly honest,  I would not have made a good mother in my 20’s.  I didn’t have the patience, or the where-with-all to be responsible for  raising a child.  Heck, I thought I was doing good to  keep myself healthy! When I turned 30 and became pregnant, I seriously doubted my abilities to parent.  I was terrified of being  like my mom.  I was terrified of damaging my kids.  I was terrified that I wasn’t fit for parenting! When my first  was born –  from the moment they suctioned her and she took her first breath I would have died for her.  I would defend her with my dying breath,  do anything for her, move heaven and hell to see that she was well taken care of.  She was a Gerber baby from the very beginning!  No stork-bites, no cradle cap, no splotchy skin – just sheer perfection!

Then, they sent her home with me from the hospital – no instruction manual, no guidance other than a few instructions on how to nurse her  correctly. Welcome to parenthood 101. It’s sink or swim with a live guinea pig only they didn’t give me a guinea pig – they let us  do trial and error on a live baby!  Why didn’t I take those home Ec. classes?

I know you all are thinking what’s the big deal? We eventually figure it out and our kids survived.  To me it was a very big deal. For over a year I thought I couldn’t get pregnant and would break down and dry every month that I wasn’t pregnant.  Then when it happened the reality  that I was responsible for this tiny bundle of joy  became my soul focus.  I was determined to be the very best parent I could.

I made many mistakes along the way, but I think I did many things right as well.  At the end of this week, my first baby will be 20 years old.  It will be her first birthday away from home without her family around her to celebrate.  I’m so proud of her I can hardly contain it.

But now it’s time to let her spread her own wings. And I thought the early years were difficult!

So what does this have to do with my intro? EVERYTHING!  I was determined to be the best mom I could, part of that based on the less than stellar parenting of my own mother.  I’ve been attending this counseling course.  I’ve been meeting with this counselor. I have issues many of which stem from my early formative years. I am the youngest of 5 children, and was a  change of life baby.  My mother never  let me forget that I was unnecessary, that I was a burden, and that I was unwanted. I have 2 older sisters and 2 older brothers – so it’s not like  she finally got her girl.  They were strapped for cash trying to feed  4 kids already. She thought she had moved on through the change and didn’t have to worry about pregnancy anymore and 6 months later found out she was pregnant with me.  She pointed out to me on several occasions how I screwed things up, that by the time she figured out she was pregnant with me it was too late to do anything about it.   Yeah, I have issues.  Rejection being one of them.

During my formative years it was made clear that I was unwanted. It created in me a lack of self-worth. Don’t get me wrong – I am not blaming my mother for all my issues.  She contributed to them, but I’ve been an adult for quite some time. I’m just trying to work through things to keep my sanity.  I never wanted either of my girls to feel like this,  to feel that they were unwanted unloved, or unworthy! It has been the driving force behind everything I’ve done as a parent.

A friend and writing associate has criticized my parenting on several occasions.  It cut deeply.  I know I’m not going to be mom of the year.  I know that I have a lot of room for improvement, but is it anyone else’s place to critique your parenting when they don’t live  with your family? They aren’t there to make those snap decisions.  They aren’t there to see the temper tantrums, the poutfests, the attitude, or smart mouth come-backs that your children give you.  They weren’t there experiencing my childhood. So in all fairness, does anyone ever have the right to criticize your parenting skills?  Well ok, if you are abusive, neglectful, or somehow causing detriment to your child’s well-being or survival then yes.

I’m working through this week’s lesson and homework for this course.  I have to evaluate some of these issues and how it has affected me, trying to determine the root problems with my own bad behavior.  I  think I’ve done a pretty damn good job at parenting. I didn’t always make the best choice, but it was the best choice I knew at the time. I mentioned my oldest one, we are just as proud of our younger daughter as well.

Another Gerber baby!

Both are intelligent, beautiful girls with good morals and sense of self-worth.  I don’t  think any parent is perfect – we have to make snap decisions on the fly, come up with solutions RIGHT NOW, provide conflict resolution, be master chef with limited ingredients ( I don’t like green beans, corn peas, fish, peanut butter, fill in the blank), provide star quality entertainment, instruct  them in appropriate dress codes (I had to set a rule with my youngest that no more than 5 colors were to be worn at one time.  The oldest was forced to wear colors with her black.), and make sure they get to enjoy  some fun in their childhood.  All in all,  I think every mom that  manages to raise their children to adulthood is more qualified to be a CEO of major corporations, or even run congress. I certainly think we’d make better decisions. (You speak to your mother with that mouth senator?)

My two angels grown into beautiful young ladies!

We are all on different stages along life’s highway. While examining my own troubles, as part of  this section I had to come up with music, movies, and tv shows that  impacted me as a child and explain why.   TV was my babysitter when I was pretty young so there are a whole bunch of ideas that stemmed from Leave it to Beaver,  I Dream of Jeannie, The Munsters, Dark Shadows and even Hogan’s Heroes. TV was an escape.  It provided laughter and comedic relief to the day-to-day existence.

Music on the other hand was invaluable to me.  From the first little hand-held radio (AM) that looked like a white stuffed poodle – music was essential.  I learned a variety of  styles during my piano lessons.  My older siblings exposed me to many artists. One sister loved Elvis Presley, the other loved the Beatles.  My brothers contributed Tubular Bells, Inagoddadavita by Iron butterfly. One thing that stood out in my memories though, were Simon and Garfunkel’s album that my sister used to put on the turntable while doing housework and chores.

I still find those tunes comforting and soothing.  Strong lyrics that have personal meaning to me.  The counselor didn’t like the fact that I lifted the lyrics for my responses, but why reinvent the wheel when Paul Simon expressed it so well?

 I Am A Rock”

by Simon & Garfunkel

A winter’s day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.I’ve built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don’t talk of love,
But I’ve heard the words before;
It’s sleeping in my memory.
I won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

It’s how I coped.  I built walls, didn’t let anyone in.  I am shielded in my armor. I’ve  created such a tough shell exterior that very few people really see beyond that to the why’s. Sadly, I know there are many more people who have done the same.  The demons may be different but the symptoms are the same.

I think these lyrics sum things up astutely.  Now is the hard part, to fix me.

How about you?  What are your personal struggles?  Is there a song that has meaning to you?

Write on my friends, write on! And as my friend Misty says – L.O.L. (live it – own it – love it)

Penned Con Report

My intentions were to have this up sooner, but you know – life happens.  After 3 intense days of professional development, and family weekend at my daughter’s school, I  finally have a few moments to gather my thoughts.

I’m glad I went, it was an enlightening experience.  For someone who is torn between traditional publishing – waiting to hear back whether or not a submission has been accepted is  nerve-wracking – or Indy publishing  – where I would be responsible for paying for editing, cover design, ISBN numbers –  I was a very observant and studious little mouse in the panels.

With everything, there are pros and cons.  I’d like to say it was all fantabulous, but I think you all know me better than that to know that I have some areas that it could have been improved. I met some amazing Indy authors and made a few connections of  talented writers that I am trying to hook up blog interviews  with. There are a few that have upcoming releases, and one  that was interested in doing a giveaway!  Woo hoo!  We like stuff, right?  Free books and  swag?

I recently had a family member,  an extended family member say that they thought I was a big chicken, and that I was too afraid to express my opinion.  I got to hear this from a video that another person posted.  I have to be honest,  I think they must have had someone else in their mind because  holding back my opinion is not something I am good at.  Of course,  I am not around them very often and they don’t read my writings here or anywhere else so maybe they just don’t know me well.  Either way, holding back my honest and frank opinion here is not what I am going to do.  Keep in mind this is my opinion, and my perspectives.  I tried to be objective but I am only human despite my desires for superpowers.

Impressions from the Blogger, Author, and Fan Viewpoint:

Wow, what a crowd!  Really, the halls were crowded and walking past  people was difficult.  Authors set up in one main room for autographs, to schmooze, and  allow photo ops with their fans. There wasn’t enough room between the aisles to comfortable pass each other.  I think allowing just one more foot of space between the author tables would have helped immensely.  You all know I have space issues, and there were way too many people in my personal space.

Every attendee received a swag bag with  event information, a program with a schedule inside, and  some promo goodies from some of the authors.   Invaluable little device to carry all the additional swag and goodies that you collect as you go from table to table. Of course I realize this is common place at cons – but just thought I”d mention it .

OH, and did I mention the really awesome little nifty gift  that Mark Coker from Smashwords contributed?

Smashwords thumb drive

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On this  little thumb drive are the 3 books shown on smashwords page of the  program, AND . . . . 80 e-books.  That’s right – 80 books.  At least one from every author at the event, plus a few extra!

This right here – this made the entire thing a success to me.  Yes I am a bookophile!

At  9:00 am things officially got started with  the Opening and keynote speaker. After making it down just one aisle of the authors’ tables, my husband and I got our Starbucks and  found a seat in the main conference room.  His comments after looking around at the overwhelming number of women: “This is like every man’s fantasy.  Surrounded by gorgeous women.  Outnumbered 20 to 1, I like these odds.”

So, for my male readers, next year’s event will be in July – go check it out now and register – PennedCon.  There will be lots of babes there!  I think there were maybe a dozen men total in a vast sea of women! Plus there were cover models.  I didn’t see any of the male cover models per se, I had my suspicions about a couple but there were at least 5 female cover models.

Opening  and keynote speaker:  Rick Miles gave the opening intro with a few housekeeping  bits of information, where things were, what was available for lunches, snacks and whatnot.  He made certain to point out bathroom arrangements – a must with that many women and they even offered to turn some of the men’s restrooms over to women if the need arose.  I don’t know if they ever did, that wasn’t  on my list of concerns. After a pleasant introduction he handed the mike over to fan-favorite Jasinda Wilder.  I’ve read Jasinda’s books and one of my regrets is that I didn’t get a pic with her!  DARN IT!  Jasinda was as entertaining live as in her books! Great  way to start off the event!

Coffee refills, more tables and swag,  connections with authors, my fingers are crossed for the follow-up interviews. Then  off to the first panel.   The choice was between: What’s Trendy with Indy? (Where is the Indie market heading for 2014-2015?  Will Romance still be in or will fantasy reclaim its popularity?  What will be the next craze?) and Battle Axes to Skimpy Dresses. (How fantasy authors are successfully making the transition into the romance genre.)  I chose Battle Axes  because I have written different stories in different genres, and was interested in what these authors had to say on the matter.   I learned about the writer’s habits – who writes really fast and who writes relatively slow, which are pantsers and which are planners, which authors juggle and balance their lives and which don’t. The moderator took questions from the audience. Some pertained to  pen names, some to character development.  One participant asked about the female heroine role in fantasy, and that it was a  typical characterization that a female heroine is self-sacrificing.  I’m not sure which books she is reading, but I’ve only ever read a few like that.  However,  the point was brought up that women are nurturers and will often sacrifice of themselves for the good of others especially their children.  Overall rating for this panel on a 1 to 5 rating, 1 being pitiful excuse for a time waster to 5 this was excellent and informative,  I would  give a 3.5.

More coffee, more time to schmooze with Indy authors, rub elbows and  get swag.  Several authors had some form of chocolate available – good call. Just saying!  There was a lunch menu available, and lunch was included for those who chose that option. There were ala cart items available like sandwiches, granola bars, some fruit, cookies – stuff like that but we chose to pack some protein bars in my expandable purse that weighed 25 pounds if it weighed a pound.  Yes, I had the shoulder dig marks to prove it!

After lunch Mark Coker spoke for Smashwords – Apple Merchandising.  This was the most informative talk, and I learned a great deal from Mr. Coker.  I took notes, and paid close attention.  If there is any one factor that may sway me to go Indy – it would be Mr. Coker’s presentation.  *Points to thumb drive above*  AND he gave us free books!  A LOT of free books!  Seriously though,  his talk on the apple market was invaluable.

The next panel choice was: Wings, Fangs and Fur (Is paranormal a dying breed or is it still in our blood?) or  The Good, the Bad and the Ugly  (Getting real about editing, beta readers and dealing with book reviews.)   I chose the latter because I thought it would be more helpful.  I didn’t find their discussion on editing or beta reading exactly helpful at all.  It was  all a matter of their personal tastes  but I did learn  a few things about reviews which I am working on for a separate post.  I’d rate this as a 3.0, wishing I’d gone to the other panel.

More time to cruise the author tables, and schmooze.  Got a hug from an author that I adore – and will hopefully have on here soon.  The last panels for the day were: Let’s Talk About Sex (Behinds closed doors or letting it all hang out? The nitty-gritty of writing a killer sex scene.) or Judge a Book by its Cover (How to create an eye-catching cover without breaking the bank and the hot cover models we all want to drool over.)

It was a hard decision and after much persuasion to convince my husband that it would be worthwhile, we went to  Let’s Talk About Sex!  I expected so much more.  This isn’t an area that I feel I struggle with.  One suggestion was to write more sensual – using the five senses.  I already do that.  One of the hottest sex scenes I have written describes the sensual details and  there is never actually the consummating act.  I’ve had beta readers tell me  the scene was smokin’ hot leaving them fanning themselves and the act was  implied.  I’ve read telling scenes and I hate those.  I have read books in which those scenes are mechanical, or use purple prose, or seem to be anatomically impossible.  These things weren’t addressed – but it was rather a telling of how each author does it.  Or at least writes about doing it.   I’d give this one  2.75.

It’s difficult to separate my blogging viewpoint from my author’s viewpoint.  It was a fun and exciting event.  I loved seeing  authors which I have read their books – yes, I did some fan-girling.

It’s awkward to try to fenagle an interview or blog piece when the author’s don’t read your blog and don’t know who you are.  Who are you? What is your blog?  I’ve never heard of you.  Are you associated with a magazine?  In that light,  I would suggest that if they are going to invite bloggers, then there should be a venue for author/blogger connections.  I don’t have Michael Hyatt’s following, but I’ve built a steadily growing audience over the past 2 years.  My followers according to my dashboard information is roughly 450 people.  That’s 450 people that may be interested in reading a guest author’s post.  Why would you not want to increase your exposure?

As a blogger, I saw some classy authors that I would love to interview and host a promo for.  I don’t charge for any blog tour – never have, never will.  Some day I hope and pray that some of my friends will return the favor – but if they don’t, oh well.  I don’t get a cut of their sales, I don’t get a fee for hosting and I don’t charge per word for a guest post.  I think those are all ridiculous.

I saw some egos that  were unfounded and a few that  have reason yet weren’t egotistical.   We are all human after all, and some people are genuine and real while others are big faking fakers with a dose of arrogance.  NOT naming names so don’t even ask.  OK, well Jasinda was real and down to earth.  Other than that not telling on anyone else.  Alright fine, Annalise Grant and her husband  (He took the time to chat with my husband and ask his thoughts on the event and being a minority there. They were cool people!) made a great impression on us.

1. A couple of quick improvements to the  event next time –  a larger space so that thing arent’ so crowded.  I have space issues people – I need the personal bubble, respect the bubble!
2. An easy way for bloggers and authors to connect and schedule interviews or perhaps even do  video interviews on the spot. Impromptu works well most of the time!
3. Instead of  panels and a keynote speaker – a combination of panels, speakers, and workshops would be tres magnifique!
4. Possible author/aspiring writer track; blogger track; and reader/fan track with  scheduled thing available for each. I’m sure readers/fans didn’t really see much value in Mark Coker’s presentation but as an author –  it was the BOMB!
5. A wider  selection of genres represented.  Not every Indy author is a romance author, and that was the primary genre represented.  If that was the intent,  then  it should have been stated more clearly.

This was the itinerary for Friday. Saturday had its own panel selections and Abbi Glines was the morning keynote speaker.  The awards banquet was Saturday evening but I was unable to attend that  as we had  family commitments.  I would have liked to gone, and I have checked the website for updates as to who won which category but I haven’t seen it posted anywhere yet.

There was an evening concert after the awards that sounded like it would be a blast, maybe next year.  OH, next year  is supposed to be a masquerade themed awards banquet and ball!  Doesn’t that sound like fun?

So there you have it folks,  my  brutally honest feelings of the event.   Keep in mind  that it’s just my opinion, and  my view may be different from yours.  Huge thanks go to Aedan Byrnes!

For a first year event,  I think that Rick and Amy Miles did an amazing job –  I wouldn’t have the foggiest of how to put on an event like this – so kudos to them.

Did you find this helpful at all?  Will it influence your decision to attend Penned Con in the future?

Write on my friends, and consider an author event in your future!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quick Update

NO I haven’t forgotten about Penned Con. My time is consumed this week by online classes. I HAVE to have these completed in order to get my license renewed, and I have to pass them by a specific date that is fast approaching! Everything else is on the back burner until this is completed, else I will lose my job. Can’t have that.
In the meantime, Why don’t you leave me a suggestion for a blog post, hmmmmm? Something you would like to hear about.
Something you’ve been itching to know. Something you have been pondering deeply. Go ahead, leave a suggestion. I have a list going of topics – now if I can just get the time to address them all!
Write on my friends, write on!

And So It Begins

First off – I know  you are waiting for a full report from Penned Con. It’s coming, but I want to give it the full attention it deserves.  I am  assessing my notes, making some new notes,evaluating the event,  and processing a whirlwind couple of days. I promise to give my full report soon. Just not today.

Today, I am asking something of my readers.  Something that I wouldn’t normally ask.  Tonight I begin a journey of exploration into my psyche as part of a counseling course, to deal with root issues in my life that stem from  abuse, rejection, living with an alcoholic parent, living with a self-absorbed parent,  and a variety of other issues that a lifetime of living has brought.

I’ve not made any secrets about my past,  about the skeletons in my closet.  I’ve not candy coated or diluted much of anything. NO, I haven’t divulged nitty-gritty details, this isn’t a horror story. I am not blaming anyone else for my problems.  They may have begun way back there but I have been a responsible adult for some time now and my decisions are my own.  My reactions to things are my own. Some of those reactions have become a real issue in  my relationship with my husband. He’s been an absolute amazing guy  and  if there is anything I can do to fix me, I will. I have caused him  a tremendous amount of pain, and  I feel horrible for the pain that I have caused.

So, I start this class tonight and for the next 12 weeks. It is going to be intense. It is going to be emotional.  It is going to force me to deal with issues that I’ve pushed under the rug for years. I have to face my demons full on. That’s where you, my readers come in. Patience, hang in there with me, and  maybe a word of encouragement now and again by leaving a comment.

Today, before the first counseling session – which lasted an hour and a half – I started an online course that I have to pass in order to renew my mortgage license.  Last several years when I took the course, I’ve passed with a 92 to 100%.  You can imagine my shock when after the first section of the course I failed that module with a 62%.  Yeah, my mojo is definitely off. My ability to focus  has dropped off the bottom of the chart and still plummeting.

I have deadlines looming for work projects, the first of which is passing this course to renew my license by a deadline that has always been December 31, but has been moved up to October 1.  Nothing like a little extra pressure, right?   I have a technical writing gig that the deadline has been extended  for two weeks because of a variety of things on my end and theirs. Thank goodness they gave me an extension.

Family issues, financial burdens, emotional baggage all combined to a cumulative of  off the chart stress.

So, hang with me please.  I haven’t completely given up and I haven’t lost very last brain cell.  It’s just a stressful time, and I have to make some hard choices about self-evaluation.  Cyberhugs accepted! Sometimes you just have to yell: ” Jane! Stop this crazy thing!” and get off for a while.

How do you handle stress?  How do you face your demons, or do you? Have you ever sought counseling for your issues? Do you view people who seek counseling as broken? Damaged?

That’s it in a nutshell.  I shall follow-up soon with a full report on Penned Con.  It was an awesome 2 days that opened my eyes to numerous possibilities and shattered a few ideologies I had built up in my mind. But life presses in and demands my full attention in other areas.

So while I am undergoing psycho-analysis, and battling demons –  write on and remember to tune back in for Penned Con updates soon.

 

It’s Almost Here

I have spent the bulk of my day  filling out online applications. I believe the online process is designed to test your patience, and provide humiliation for  any possibility of  feeling confident in your abilities.  The need for funds to replace my car, appliances, and pay college bills has me pounding the pavement, and surfing the web.

In between however I have been counting down the hours till Penned Con.

I can hardly wait!  I am obsessing over what to wear – it’s a girl thing I know. I have it  narrowed down to 3 possibilities. Don’t judge me!

I  have read over the panel choices and already decided which ones I will attend. Here’s the  rundown:

• What’s Trendy with Indies?

Where is the Indie market heading for 2014-2015?  Will Romance still be in or will fantasy reclaim its popularity?  What will be the next craze?

 

• Battle Axes to Skimpy Dresses

How fantasy authors are successfully making the transition into the romance genre.

 

 

• Wings, Fangs and Fur

Is paranormal a dying breed or is it still in our blood?

 

• The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Getting real about editing, beta readers and dealing with book reviews.

 

 

• Let’s Talk About Sex

Behinds closed doors or letting it all hang out? The nitty gritty of writing a killer sex scene.

 

• Judge a Book by its Cover

How to create an eye-catching cover without breaking the bank and the hot cover models we all want to drool over.

 

 

• Battle of the Sexes

Is having a male author name or pen name initials  better than selling as a female?

 

• Bad to the Bone

When BAD BOYS make us want to embrace our darker side.

 

 

• Book Boys We CAN’T Live Without

How to create steamy guys who melt our hearts and ensnare our dreams.

 

• And Then There Were Two…

How to create an unforgettable couple that will leave fans begging for just one more book.

 

 

• 3,2,1, GO!  

A multi-author interactive session with games and fun!

 

Seriously, how is a girl suppose to choose? Some of  my Indy friends are already there, checked into their hotel rooms, and I still have to prepare dinner for the family. When what I want to do is go take my shower, dry my hair, drive up to the venue, and hang out with an awesome bunch of peeps.

I shall take pics!  I shall take notes! I am about to fangirl   and squee! Did you see the mention above about cover models?

Yes, pictures with my peeps and  author favorites, and cover models to boot!

I wonder what will be in our goodie bags.  I wonder what books I’ll end up with, I wonder who I can interview . . . I wonder how in the world I will repay my awesome friend Aedan.

Stay tuned for the Penned con report, it’s going to ROCK!

Write on my friends,  I’m going to PENNED CON!

Monday Blues

WARNING: WHAT FOLLOWS IS A BAD RANT. PERHAPS YOU’D RATHER GO READ SOMETHING HAPPY AND CHEERFUL LIKE RAINBOWS AND LOLLIPOPS. OTHERWISE, PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Ever have those days that  start off wrong and you think “I should just go back to bed.” ? Yeah.

For starters, the coffee pot didn’t start automatically. Half asleep and bleary eyed I grumbled about not getting any coffee as I filled the reservoir tank with water only to have it pour out all over the counter. JUST GREAT! After cleaning up that mess, I lost count of the scoops of coffee, so my coffee was weak.  If anyone has an idea of how to salvage coffee when it’s too weak I”m all ears.  I take my pale diluted elixir to my desk and fire up the pc.  Apparently the Monday morning lag has spilled over to the laptop as it was slow as molasses.

I check my inbox, the class I need to renew  my license is not available. I  corresponded with the instructor on Friday and everything was good. Now, the class is full, but there is one offered October 3, umm 3 days after I must have my license renewed. *Head desk*  So now I am looking at online classes to fill that requirement which are double and triple the cost. Because I just love to pay more than necessary, don’t you? *note the sarcasm in my voice*

I send responses to clients  from the hotline,  quoting the current rates and making note that the rates are dependent on their credit rating. One man didn’t like the fact that he’s being persecuted because of his bad credit rating and decides it’s my fault. Really Mister?  Really?  Because last time I checked I don’t have  my wages garnished,  I’m not the delinquent dad not paying his child support, and I’m not the one who defaulted on two previous loans.   Oh yeah, and we all know that slamming the mortgage loan officer will get your loan processed  just like jiffy pop! But alas I was nice to the man, well mostly.  OK I am paid to be polite to the clients, but  I am not one to miss  certain opportunities.  Guess I will have to go back to that sensitivity training class again.

I had a chiropractor’s appointment scheduled  for 10:00 am.  I search frantically for my shoes to no avail.  I know I had them on yesterday morning. I had them on when I came home, but for the life of me couldn’t remember where i took them off at. I didn’t have time to go search out another pair so I borrowed my daughter’s flip-flops.  I get to the chiropractor’s office and trip on the curb from the flip-flops. GREAT, just great.  Almost knocking down an elderly man with a cane, but I managed to fall into the wall instead. Just call me Grace.  The chiropractor did nothing for the skinned up knee.  The appointment went as well as can be expected. I can’t believe I pay this woman to hurt me every week like she does. Maybe I should  become a chiropractor and dress in black leather. Hmm.

Anyway, from there I stop at the office to pay my insurance agent then head home.  I decided to stop and grab a fast food burger because I had already lost the morning and  it would save me a bit of time, right? I ordered it with no ketchup and no tomatoes.  Driving home my car starts doing weird things. The radio blinks out, the lights on the dash come on  – the light indicating the air bag had deployed ( no it didn’t I was sitting right there), the battery light, then the check engine light.  I thought it would be best if I pulled over at that point. Didn’t make it all the way off the road and the car died.  Have I mentioned lately just how much I miss my Aztec?  You can call it an ugly car all you want, I never had a bit of problem with that car, and it gave its life for me.   I called the auto shop that we use, and they sent a guy to give me a jump.  That  didn’t fix it. So, I had to call a tow truck. An hour and a half later, after sitting in the hot car, on the side of a busy highway, with nothing to  drink, I was just a tad irritable. Then the tow truck driver basically implied that I was a STUPID woman.  He starts in telling me how bad his day has been, and because my car was  locked up (it wouldn’t go into gear, couldn’t get it out of park) it was of course my fault  because I’m too stupid to drive.

Just so you know, I”m not typing this from a jail cell.  The man still lives, and walks on two legs.  I did however, manage to have my  handy-dandy little recording  ap turned on my phone as he continued.  Of which I played back to his supervisor along with my  customer complaint of why I will never use their services again. Just for the record, if you are in a service oriented field, do NOT call your customer stupid, or imply their stupidity  to their face.  Not that I condone doing it behind their back either but to my face?  Just for the record, it had nothing to do with  anyone’s lack of intelligence, or negligence in any way. It was just one more  knock in my already bad day.

He had the radio muted but I could see on the little display that Skrillex was on.  “You can turn that  up if you want, I don’t mind.”

“Oh ok, cool.”  He doesn’t turn up the radio, he unplugs  ear buds from his phone and  plays  High School Musical. I silently turn to the window and bit my lip.  I’m not judging, I’m not judging – I just find it humorous that this huge hulking 25ish guy is listening to bubble gum pop Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens. My girls listened to that when they were adolescents. The typical tweeny bopper music, not what you’d expect a 6’4″ (my estimate – keep in mind I’m short) man with  razor chops and tattoos.

Anyway, I digress. The hellish day continues –   my car still sits in the shop awaiting a diagnosis.  They were booked, so it’s a matter of when they can fit my little car in. I get a ride home from the auto shop, and am awaiting the  damage report.  I get home and someone had let my dog out and she was running loose. We live on a busy road, it’s a miracle she didn’t get run over.  I gave her fresh water and  refilled her food dish and came inside to finally eat my  burger and it’s wrong.  It has tomato, ketchup, and one huge slice of onion. *hangs head*

Peanut butter wins out again.

If tomorrow is anything like today, I am going back to bed, pulling the sheets over my head and pretending to sleep even if I can’t sleep.

Normally I would have a lot of motivational encouragement  to share. Fact is, I need some myself today.

Write on my friends, I hope your day has been better than mine.