The Monster Is OUT


We often know the right thing to do, it’s just a matter of whether or not we do  it.

I know how to eat properly. I know how nutrition works, and how I feel when I eat  junk food, sweets, and in general a poor diet.  I taught my kids about balanced meals,  proper portions, proper nutrition, and the importance of taking care of ourselves. So why is it, when the stresses of life are bearing down on me I revert to my old stress eating habits?

I know what I’m doing,  while I’m doing it even.  Yet,  I can’t seem to stop the hand-to-mouth action of consuming  an entire bag of chips until  the bag is empty.  The comfort food is inhaled,  not savored or tasted,  just shoveled in until it’s devoured.  My healthy green tea is  replaced by a 2 liter of coke that is all mine!  NO, I don’t have to share because He drinks Pepsi.

Food is the most abused drug of choice by a large percentage of the population.   We all have to eat right?  I had a friend that decided to quit smoking, and made a bargain with  that if I would go on a diet and drop twenty pounds they would stop smoking.  In the past I have argued the point that dieting is more difficult because you can’t just go cold turkey, we still need to eat to survive.

There is no patch that  supplies needed nutrients into your blood stream so we can go about our business to  just stop eating and drop excess pounds.  It would never work anyway because there is pleasure derived from eating food. Having  gastric surgery  really isn’t the answer, and I’ve said this before  –  it doesn’t fix the six inches between your ears.

I have thin friends  that  simply don’t understand.  I can’t make them see it.  I don’t even know how to stop doing it.  Trust me – I want to stop this cycle.

Ironically its emotional stress that is the  trigger to stress eating.  Emotions are raw,  painful.  Is it any wonder that we choose to self medicate into a food orgy?  Endorphins are released into your system after consuming ” pleasure” foods.   Endorphins that  cover the pain  those raw emotions  exposed or created.

It’s a conditioned response that goes back to childhood. ” Awww, you had a bad day,  here eat some cake.”  “You got an A on your paper?  Great!  here, eat some cake.”  “I’m very disappointed in you. No cake for you.”

Reward and punishment was doled out as food substance in my childhood home.  Affection was correlated to food.  In reality,  it’s a miracle I’m not  diabetic or tipping the scales at 600 pounds. Is it any wonder that I have this sick twisted relationship with food?  I think not.  It doesn’t change the fact that I hate it when I do it.

At least I recognize the truth of it now.  Unfortunately,  recognizing it doesn’t stop me from doing it.    I want to stop,  I tell myself inside my head –  stop this! You’re going to make yourself sick.  I think there is some part of me that  thinks I deserve to be sick and punished.  I am not a psychologist,  and I don’t have the answers.

I know some people  look down on stress eaters as  not having any self-control but that isn’t the issue.  It’s bigger than that.  I can have great self-control at times.   I  have self-discipline,  but when  the stress needle is pegged all rational thought flies out the window.

Today I feel the aftermath of  this last episode.  I feel nauseous,   have a pounding headache,  my skin feels  gross, and the image I have of myself returns to a pathetic weakling gorging on junk food.  It’s not pretty –  don’t look at me!

This  is an issue that I deal with  Not nearly as often as I used to, but it’s there.  Yesterday the monster was unleashed, and today I am paying for it.

A quick reminder that I don’t have it all together,  and  just how deep my emotions run.

Have you ever done this to yourself?  Do you know how to stop?  I can’t help but wonder if  this is how a drunk feels when he goes on a binge.

LIfe is too real at times. That’s why I create a world in fiction that has a happy ending.

Write on my friends, write on!


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