Shift


Today is the day.

The counter has  a few hours left on it, at which time I will be hitting the road to retrieve my eldest spawn – I mean daughter.

The past two days have been grueling; fighting a migraine with a to-do list a mile long, storms raging through the area, power outages, (hard to vacuum when there’s no electricity) all while the clock ticks away.

Every item of mine that was in the room is moved. If you don’t count the bed, dresser, bookshelf – all of which we paid for. You understand that our kids don’t see it that way though, right? Last year at this time she  gave us fits because we gave her mattress away when she went to college.  The mattress that we bought for her, for a full-sized bed, that had a “nest” indent in the middle when  the younger daughter got the bigger room, and she would get the twin bed for the 3 months out of the year that she was home. Technically we didn’t give it away.  The guys hauled it off when we got the new one for the other daughter.

She has already started in about we need to buy her a futon.  She’s 21,  if she wants a futon she can buy it herself.

There will be a lot of shifting  over the next several weeks. She will have to adjust to our schedules. She will have to maintain her room to a certain level of cleanliness. (Oh, trust me. I’m far from a white-gloved inspector) She will be expected to pull her own weight around here which means helping out with household chores once again.

I absolutely love her to pieces,  but she’s about to get a slap of reality.  My wonderfully talented and gifted daughter has decided that she’s not going back to school. With one year left to achieve her degree, she’s quitting. So, it’s time to enter the workforce.  She doesn’t seem to understand that she’s basically pushed her timeline forward by a year without the benefit of a degree.

Her student loans will come due in six months. We aren’t paying them for her.

She doesn’t have a car and expects to use ours to get a job. Problem is, that car has 200000 miles on it.

At 21, making adult decisions she will get to experience adult consequences.  You know, you try to  help them avoid the same problems that you’ve had to deal with, but they don’t see it.  As parents, we want the best for our kids.

We want them to do better than us and we try to shelter them from the same stupid mistakes that we’ve made. But those mistakes help us learn  how to do things better, how to manage our lives. Is it  a good thing then to shelter them from experiencing them?

There will be a shift on our part to help her but not coddle her. She’s not 2 anymore. She’s 21. I don’t want to be an enabler, and I don’t want to be harsh.

This is new territory for all of us. God give me strength – and wisdom. I need lots of wisdom.

With anything new, it’s a learning curve. Learning a new software. Learning a new job. Learning to live with your adult child when they’ve been on their own for a while. There will be snags,  rough spots, and testing of boundaries. But at the end of the day, our daughter is back home safe and sound with us and we won’t be worried about what she’s doing. We may be praying for answers and the patience to not engage in senseless arguments but we will know that she is alright.

colorful sunset

The future is full of opportunities, possibilities, and the road to success. Whichever road that may be.

As I sit and enjoy my last few hours of freedom, I mean quiet. . . . . I can’t wait  to have her home but I am still anxious about the next few weeks. My family means everything to me. This wasn’t in my outline for life. But then again, the best stories have sudden twists and turns.

I know this one is going to be good.

Write on my friends, write on.

Ellie

 

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7 comments on “Shift

  1. Welcome to my world. My goober had a melt down after her 1st year away in school so she transferred to a local campus so she could live at home, then after her 2nd year, decided the school she was going to was too expensive and she needed a break. She moved out for a few months but has been at home with me since. It is a fine line I walk between wanting to push her out of the nest completely but then wanting to know she’s safe. I’ve not found the balance yet which is building toward some resentment on my part. Not sure how I’m going to handle things if her latest attempt to return to school and find a job go south.

    Sending you waves of support and understanding. Hang in there :-).

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    • Wow – the universe once again has aligned our chakras to the same circumstances. It’s eerily scary sometimes the parallel lines. The struggle of wanting to know they are safe and wanting to push them out the door to make their own way is real. Lord help us!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s such a difficult balance to find. My oldest spawn hated the new rules, and having to have a job. She fled the coop only a few months in. I miss her terribly, but she’s got to make her own decisions in life, good and bad. The next one out is my son, but honestly he’s been out for awhile preferring his father. After that is my youngest, and she has big plans of medical school and a move across country.

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  3. I wish I had words of wisdom, but mine are still young and underfoot. But I wonder what my children’s ‘grown-up’ lives will be like. One of the biggest challenges for my mother and I was the fact that I was grown, married, and had 2 children by then-yet she and my father were still parenting me like I was 15. It lead to a 2 year complete cut-off from each other, but when we “reunited” it was with a clear boundary that my parents realize I was not 15 in fact. It was a very difficult thing for them, I am an only child. I can understand it must be hard to stop ‘dictating and guiding’ the child you’ve raised…. I don’t know… I just share in case it helps a little bitty bit…

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    • We’ve been very conscious of the fact that they aren’t children, but yet are behaving as children. I don’t want a 2 year split where they won’t talk to us – please no! As adults they have to make their own decisions and way in the world, but as our dependents, there must be certain rules that apply in order for everyone to stay sane in the same household. WE certainly need grace for each new day. Each and every one.

      Liked by 1 person

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