Welome to week 10 of the MFRW blog hop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ve missed a few but I’ve had mostly good reasons. We’ll get to that in a bit. This week’s prompt is: Things Only my Family would understand.
OH, now y’all are getting personal. You know, there are some things about my personal life that I’d rather not share. I’ve got issues. My issues have issues. those issues have itty bitty baby issues of their own.
I have to ask myself, what does this have to do with writing? What does this matter to anyone besides embarrassing the life out of me????? Whatever, let me grab a cup of joe and we’ll jump in with the top 5 Things Only My Family Would Understand. You might want to take this opportunity to run to the bathroom, just in case you find these funny and have a laughing fit.
Alright, here we go –
Top 5 Things Only My Family Would Understand
- Don’t Move My Table We have a small eat-in kitchen. When my daughters were teens, they developed this habit of pushing themselves away from the table. As they were nearly adult sized, they pushed the table about three inches, and suddenly the plate my husband and I were eating from is three inches to the right.We’ve gone round and round about this. It’s a major pet peeve of mine. Sometimes I come in from doing whatever and my table has been moved on purpose, or one end of the table is angled closer to the wall. I’ve been known to bellow from the kitchen down the hall “Who moved my table?” in a not so pleasant voice. They usually just snicker which then ticks me off more.
- Radioactive Turkey Everytime Thanksgiving comes around, or Dad is cooking, I hear the pathetic cries of “You’re not going to make us eat radioactive turkey again are you?” Long story – when my girls were in 4th and 2nd grades, I went away for a ladies retreat weekend – actually it was like five days of bliss, with a spa day, and luxury massages, dinner out for the duration that I didn’t have to ook or clean up – it was heaven! Yeah, I was glad to get back to my family, but oh those days of being pampered. . . anyway, I digress. So, while I was away, the hubs was in charge of feeding our children. They had such luxury foods such as beenie weenies, frozen pizza, burnt scrambled eggs, ravioli from a can, you get the idea. I do 99% of the cooking in our household. So, on Saturday afternoon, after a busy morning of cooking cleaning and laundry, time got away from him and they were like “We’re hungry” around 2 o’clock. He checked my menu – because I made sure they had three meals and snacks for the time I was away. Come on, I’m not a horrible mom. So he read the menu – chicken broccoli with rice. He opens the fridge, and there are not Chinese takeout boxes of Chicken broccoli. Hmmm, so he calls and asks – the chicken breasts are in the freezer, the veggies – carrots celery, bok choy, and broccoli are in the vegetable drawer – just in case they wanted stir fry and not just the broccoli. Then I told him since you didn’t thaw the chicken out this morning, you’ll have to switch the dinner for lunch and have that later. Too much work, so he took out this frozen family dinner thing that we had gotten from a monthly food box plan for a while. I have no idea how long it had been up there because honestly, it sounded disgusting. Turkey and dressing, frozen in a cardboard box. When he peeled the top off, the “Gravy” was a chartreuse radioactive color. Of course, when I arrived home Sunday afternoon, the girls clung to my leg. “Dad tried to feed us radioactive turkey!”
- Crow sandwiches – I think I’ve shared this tale before, but here goes again. Back in 2009 when my mother passed away, she left the house to my siblings and myself. Five of us to have to agree on everything. The chances of the planetary alignment happening again in this century has better odds. I got into a heated discussion with my second sister. They are both older, but she’s the younger of the two. Anyway, after a few hours, I knew I had to make amends. I was standing at the kitchen counter, slicing chicken breasts to make filets for sandwiches. My husband called to say he would be a little late, and I told him that I was going to have to eat some crow. My youngest was sitting at the kitchen table coloring. When I served the pan fried chicken breast filets on kaiser rolls, she cried. “I don’t want to eat crow.” I didn’t understand what she was talking about, then through sobs, she told me: “This morning you told dad he was going to have to go shoot those crows because they kept eating Ginger’s food. Then I heard you tell dad we were going to have to eat crow.” Now keep in mind that my husband was laid off for 18 months and things were unbelievably tight. So since then when I fix chicken filets, they are crow sandwiches.
- Bleeding Out Your Eyeballs When my kids were school aged, specifically junior high and high school they started the wanting to skip shool thing. “I’m sick.” “I don’t feel good.” Hey, I knew all the tricks. back when I was in school, my parents left the hosue before our bus came. I have to admit, there were a few days that I took advantage of it. But, I had things I really enjoyed at school. For one, if you missed school the week of a track meet, you couldn’t participate. You still had to go, but you were benched. I hated being benched. Anyway, so the kids are pleading with me, their stomach hurts, they have cramps they feel feverish (always I mean always have the thermometer ready!) So after the assessment, my standard answer was. take some Pepto, aspirin, Tylenol, eat a piece of toast, go poop – followed by “You’re not bleeding out your eyeballs so you’re going to school!” They hated it then and still hate it now.
- Quarry Girl This is my husband’s favorite nickname to tease me with. I grew up in a small town smaller than the one I live in now. My parent’s home was in a valley just below a quarry. every Tuesday morning and Friday morning, they would blast dynamite and the whole house would rattle, sometimes pictures fell off the wall. The walls were plaster, so my father was reluctant to even put things on the walls. The quarry was a dangerous place so of course as kids, we snuck under the gates as often as we could. The mounds of sand and gravel were ideal for sledding, or in the summertime we would run up the ramp that the trucks would dump their loads down and jump as far as we could. Other times we climbed on the rocks or scaled the cliffs. I can’t laugh at the stupid things kids do today because we did stupid things too. One particularly hot summer, we were jumping down the face of the sand pile – you would sink up to your hips at times – and just after my friends and I finished that round of jumps, a big cavity caved in, and snakes and tarantulas poured from this “air pocket”. I have to say, it was the last time we did those jumps. I got bit by a copperhead climbing on the rocks in that quarry. I sprained my ankles more than a few times. We were chased off of the premises more than a few times and were lucky to not have charges pressed against us. But, my husband thought it was hysterical as he grew up on a farm. He teases me about being a redneck quarry girl. *Shrugs* I guess I am. Not everyone can claim the title, or get it.
So there it is, a whole lot more about me than you ever wanted to know! Hope that it offered a few laughs. So, back to the reason I have been AWOL, . . . I shared the other day about the anthology that I have been asked to be a part of, and I’ve been plotting, drafting and rewriting my short story for this anthology.
I am pleased to say that a few days ago, I typed THE END!!! It’s gone to a couple beta readers and is now in the hands of my wonderful editor. WHEW! Can’t wait to share the cover reveal – soon!
Go check out what others are sharing on this topic at: MFRW BLOG HOP. Be sure to leave comments!
Write on my friends, write on!