This year has been nothing like I had planned so far. the past few months have been particularly stressful. I’m not making excuses, not going to give you the whole sad song and dance. I will be perfectly honest here, I’ve been struggling. Struggling to keep my head above water, struggling to get any words down, struggling to keep it together.
My planner vaguely resembles the Captain’s Log on Star Trek.
Date: (Stardate) March 19, 2019 (31919.1) Larry called, had to drive to Perryville to get him, his mom had a stroke. They took her up to St. John’s because Jefferson wasn’t equipped to handle a stroke.
(31919.2) Same ICU unit that my mother was in – kind of jarring.
(31919.3) Monitoring her for brain activity.
(31919.4) We sat in on the doctor’s round table discussion. Looks grim.
I had found a layout for my bujo that worked well for me to track the things I needed, and make my daily to-do lists. All of that went out the window.
Captain’s Log, Stardate 3.28.19 – apparently chaos rules the universe. My family has gone off the deep end. My heart goes out to them and I will be praying. Sad situation! They are transferring MIL to rehab center, but it’s up near St. John’s.
In planning my releases – yes plural releases – which is a huge step for me, I had set April 23rd as my release date for Fury. The date came and went, I had other things on my mind, and occupying my time. to be honest, I’ve struggled to find words to put down on paper or virtual paper. It’s difficult to make plans when things are up in the air so to speak, and your world is in turmoil.
To add to things, the stress that we’ve been under has manifested in aggression towards each other in arguments. Emotions are at a heightened state!
Captain’s Log Stardate 4.15.19 – I get the stressed out part from work and with family, but taking it out on me is not going to make things better. In fact, it made things much more difficult. We are about to come to blows. Shields up, set phasers to stun, prepare to be boarded!
I completely missed posting anything for A to Z in April, and I had some cool writing terms to share. Who knows, maybe I’ll still put it together down the road.
To add to all of this, I had a biopsy – benign, discovered a lump – also benign, had surgery and an allergic reaction to medications that felt like I was having a heart attack – I am not exaggerating either. All of this stirred together for a deadly concoction that left me feeling like an utter failure and worthless in life. Talk about dysfunction!
Captain’s Log Stardate 5.7.19 – What is wrong with me? I have so many books to write, and can’t muster myself to put pen to paper or get out my laptop for longer than a few minutes. It’s not for lack of want to, because I want to get all of my books out there! It’s not a lack of ideas – I have thousands of ideas. It’s not a lack of imagination, I have imagination to spare! So what is the problem?
I messaged my soul sister Misty and ironically, she’s experiencing a similar slump. You’d think we were twins separated at birth or something, it’s uncanny. We should be Gemini’s or have the same birthday or something! With Misty’s help, I’m taking some baby steps to get back in the game. My confidence has been shaken, but she’s holding my hand.
Captain’s Log Stardate 184.108.40.206 – made contact with Admiral Harvey. This quadrant of the galaxy has proven troublesome crossings for her as well. Our discussion included guidance for traversing the upcoming storms, and keeping crew on standby for imminent dangers. For now, we will take it slow and steady, with all systems on alert. Our course? Second star to the right, straight on till morning. These are the voyages of Starship Mack, signing off.
That’s the point of friendship isn’t it? We pick each other out of the muck and help dust each other off. Sometimes we share a laugh, sometimes we share a cry. A true friend is one that you know has your back, will go to the ends of the galaxy with you in spirit if they can’t in person, will stand by your side and support you and encourage you. I can only hope that I am as much of a friend to her as she is to me. That goes for my other friends as well – I hope you consider me a good friend, one that is there for you!
It’s been a difficult few months. I’m not making excuses, just telling it like it is. I’ve been down in the mullygrubs not knowing how to dig out. When I finally cried out for help, Misty was there for me. Being an author can be a lonely career that is often not supported by family or loved ones. It takes a friend with the “Write Stuff” to get it, and she does.
I hope that each of you have a Misty in your life, that will be there for you when you need it. I hope that you don’t find yourself in the pits as I have been, but if you do, your friend(s) are there!
Write on my friends, write on!