Point of No Return

At what point is it too late to turn back?  Obviously once you’ve crossed the finish line turning back is pointless, but before that, what point is the point of no return?

Way back ages ago when I was a teen – yeah,  that long ago –  in driver’s education class Coach told us about entering an intersection and where the point of no return was.  Ironically around that same time Kansas had a big hit.  I liked listening to Kansas until my mother decided one day that Dust in the Wind was actually a good song.  http://youtu.be/o-R8gHj_7v8

Well that killed it! From that point on Joan Jett, Rush, AC/DC, and more metal bands were my fare.  Oh, Eurythmics, Pat Benatar, and Heart were always in the lineup but I didn’t listen to them when the ‘rents were around. Sometimes my emotions get the better of me and cloud my judgment.  Never the less, there are times to call it quits and times to press on.

How do you decide what that point is? I’ve developed my own playbook for making these calls.  No, you can’t borrow it – make your own.  In my playbook there are a few simple rules but mostly guidelines.  Many decisions are not as easily cut and dry as yes or no.  More times than not the decision is like a flow chart with a series of  ‘if-then-else’ statements.  It may not seem logical to anyone else, but that doesn’t matter now, does it?

For example:  Do I continue to pour my efforts into my writing even though certain individuals are unsupportive?  Do I rebuild what I had and try again, gathering my remains with determination or do I lay it to rest in a mass grave and move on to other ventures?  Do I trash the ideas yet push forward on a new project?

IF my sole purpose of writing is for the approval of others THEN I have failed to achieve that, ELSE I attempt to write something that would get the approval, or END the pursuit. IF my purpose for writing is other? THEN conditions for the other apply and have to be weighed in a logical sequential order.  ELSE emotions will take over and my frustration will win and all that will be accomplished is a lot of wailing, crying and gnashing of teeth – and consumption of  Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey. (Quickly shoves evidence of Ben & Jerry’s into trash bin, ties bag removing to outdoor bin. )  Where were we?  Oh yes, the IF THEN ELSE logic flowchart.

I’ve examined all the reasons why not and it pales in comparison to the gut wrenching spasms of  pain that are akin to killing who I am inside just as if I took a large knife and thrust it inside my abdomen and twisted.  I saw that look of disbelief as  you grimaced at my melodramatic comparison.

That part of  me that screams WRITE THE STORY will not shut up therefore I must pursue my endeavors. Even when it means rewriting what I already had written.  Even when I reread and decide to  trash the section and redo it.  Even when I stress over nitpicky details in my make-believe world, yet disregard the stack of dirty dishes in real life.  Come on, the make-believe world is so much better!

The point of no return in this matter is easy to define.  I passed it a long time ago, and I must keep going towards the finish line. In other matters, however the line is blurred.  In relationships  where is that point?  Does time define a point of no return? Does intensity override duration?  Does time outweigh the fights, arguments and  distasteful memories?  It’s a sad thing to end a relationship but if it’s  not a healthy relationship is a break needed?

What  determines your point of no return?  What tips the scale for or against going forward? Life comes from death.  You’ll never tap the life inside a seed until you bury it in the  ground. By burying the broken relationship, you may find new growth, a tender stalk, and soon even fruit on the branch. It’s hard to see life in the middle of winter,  but  eventually life will return to the stark landscape and everything will be fresh,  green, and teeming with life.

Winter is coming is the expression of the Starks in Game of Thrones.  Spring is just around the corner, ignore the groundhog!  New life, a new energy, fresh starts, and new directions lay before us. What dead branches are you holding onto?  Are they unhealthy habits?  Unhealthy relationships?  False beliefs? Are you willing to let go of the tangible to position yourself for the unseen potential that hasn’t sprouted yet?

Write on my friends, let’s look forward to  brighter sunny days ahead!

Madness I Tell You, It’s All Madness!

My usual Monday motivation is going to have to be put on hold.  I’ve spent the morning in the waiting room at the hospital for my sister’s surgery.  She has gone through with it, and when I left was doing well.

I took my computer with me, working on my projects while I waited.  That was my intention anyway. There are times when it’s necessary to socialize with those around you,  especially when you haven’t seen them in over a year.  Honestly I got little writing done, but it was good to catch up with family.

3 days left before school is out, my D-day is rapidly approaching.  I lost several hours into the time vortex of research, I lost several hours visiting at the hospital, and of course the hours in traffic.  Tomorrow, I’m making an extra pot of coffee, turning the answering machine on and not answering the door.  Possibly at this point, extending my deadline may be the best option, but I’m not ready to surrender yet.

There’s still some fight left in me.  I’ve got approximately 5 hours to dedicate to writing tomorrow and I made some headway over the weekend.  With that last bit of research, I don’t think there are any other “holes” in my story that need to be filled.  It’s just adding some details and tweaking a bit here and there.

So close I can almost taste it.  This will be my FIRST complete manuscript.  I think I’ve shared the unfinished project problem in the past, didn’t I?   Many are close, but not quite there.  It almost seems like fate is stacking against me here on the last stretch to the finish line.  Either that, or the finish line is just a mirage.

In addition to the time stealers, and distractions, the “life” distractions I came up with an entire new story on Sunday.  The hubs thought I was really into the sermon, taking pages and pages of notes.  I was inspired!  At some point near the beginning of the sermon, the pastor mentioned that it was Pentecost Sunday, or the Sunday of Ascension.  Ascension, hmmm.  Inspiration struck me!  I nearly jumped up and yelled hallelujah, but I didn’t want to waste any time.  Before he reached the end I had outlined and plotted through a series of bubble charts, and if- then-else flow charts my next story.  It’s going to be awesome.

But wait, I have to rein it in and finish Kiss Of The Dragon first.  GAH!  How can some writers say they have writer’s block?  Are you kidding me?  I have enough ideas now to write books until I’m 126.  Which means, I need more time to write, and less time for nonwriting activities such as house cleaning, and cooking.  I really need to sell some more articles, and a book or a dozen to be able to afford a new laptop that I can read outside, so I at least don’t look like a vampire.  Also to afford to quit at least  one of my other jobs.  Where are my rich relatives to leave me an inheritance anyway?  Some estranged uncle that liked me best, anyone? anyone?

If only money were as easy to come by as it is for some of my characters.  I think it would be so cool to have the dragon complex.  Not necessarily the hoarding gold part, but the attracting part would be totally awesome.  Life takes money, and since I can’t just print my own – well I could but I don’t want to go to prison – I am part of working class Americans that have to keep my day job.

The writing disease is apparently an inherited condition.  My Great Grandfather wrote a couple of books, they were  religious teachings as he was a minister.  My daughters are both infected, and pursuing their own writing dreams. My eldest daughter who is 17, has one story planned and is about half way through.  She has asked for my assistance over the summer to finish hers.  I’ve read it, and it’s really good, better than some published books that I’ve read.  She also has a ton of ideas for books, and came home today complaining that school was cutting into her creative time.  (insert eye roll here)

My other daughter, the quiet calmer one that is more like my husband is also writing a very creative story.  She is a stickler for details, (Hmm, I wonder where she could have gotten that from.)  and has voiced her plans to spend a good portion of the summer writing her book to be published before she turns 18.

I for one will never discourage them from pursuing their dreams.  I will advise them to have a backup plan to be able to provide for themselves while they are pursuing publication.

If all the stars were in alignment, and all the gods were in a favorable mood, we could all three get our works published before the end of this year. That would be amazingly awesome and I would do a celebratory dance on video and post it here.  Oh yes, I can dance – this white chick got some moves!  I’ve won the DDR and  Just dance challenges we have here many times. Not bad for a 48-year-old competing against teenagers.