Selfish Summer

FAIL!  I was close, so very close.

Kids are home for the summer and I have not completed my self-imposed deadline.  Granted, this isn’t as bad as meeting my editor’s deadline or anything like that.  It just makes things more difficult.

Ever run a race? Or a marathon?  There are times when everything clicks and you run the best race you’ve ever ran in your life.  Then the next meet, something’s just off.  You give it your best, but you weren’t in the zone.  Sometimes, it’s just someone elses day to come in first place.

I am a little disappointed, but with other things that are going on right now, I’m not stressing over it.  PLEASE, someone remind me of this next time I turn into a complete spazz over minute details that really don’t matter.  Seriously, I mean it. Remind me of this.

Here’s the thing – you’ve got to set goals.  If you don’t know where the finish line is, how do you know when you’ve finished your race? You never grow if you don’t stretch yourself and try new things. LIfe in the box never changes.  I need change.

I failed in this deadline, but I haven’t given up and I’m not all that upset about it.  I’ve got some pretty cool things lined up for the summer.  I’ve got authors that I’m interviewing, going to guest post on other blogs, do a virtual blog tour, posting my story Love Notes on Storytime Trysts weekly, and a few other things as well.  I just finished an interview for a magazine – I’ll fill you in on that later. It’s going to be an amazing summer, an exhausting one maybe, but exciting.  On the fitness goals, our summer training camp begins on Monday.  I’ve got the girls onboard to improve their fitness as well as adapt healthy lifestyle changes.

Shooting for the stars and clearing the trees is still good. In a black and white world it’s a fail, but in a vivid Technicolor world it’s a win.  I’ve learned, I’ve accomplished work – productive work, and managed to clear out most of the distractions.  I pushed myself a little harder which tells me I’m capable of more.

I didn’t succumb to analysis paralysis, which has been a problem in the past.  I’ve stressed over it, pondered it, stepped back and looked at it ten different ways, but never actually tackled it.  Whatever the “it” may have been.  I tackled it full on this time!

thomas Edison stated that he didn’t fail 1999 times before discovering the lightbulb.  He figured out 1999 ways that it didn’t work. It’s all a matter of perspective. Mine has improved over the past few years.  Once I woke up, realizing that I’d given up on myself and my dreams I’ve determined to give it all I’ve got.  That doesn’t always translate to 100% effort in every minute.  In a matter of perceived exertion, you have to take into consideration many aspects.  In perceived exertion with all other factors of drag, resistance, momentum and whatever other factor you want to throw into the quantum equation, my perceived exertion was pegged at about 95%.  Hey what can I say?  Life happens and we have to deal with it.

I”m not going to break down because I failed at my goal.  It’s just training for my next race.  The only race I’m in is the one with myself, and I have to run the best race I can.  It’s only a true fail if I quit and walk away, and that’s not about to happen.  I hope that someone who reads this gets what I’m saying and looks at their own perspective.  I’m notoriously hard on myself, and I’m learning to cut myself a little slack and maybe accept a bit of praise now and then.  It’s much better than the negativity and condemnation I grew up with.

Yoda had great words of wisdom: “Do or do not.  There is no try.”

I did.  I gave it a good effort, and I’m happy with myself for that.

Dan Miller said this in a pod cast and it really hits home with me:

“If you do what everyone else expects, you’ll never be more than normal, mediocre and broke.”  

I’ve expressed many times how fed up I am with mediocrity.

Three months, nearly 90 days of summer, enough time to make a significant change.  What will you do with it?  Is there some area that you can challenge yourself in?  NaNoWriMo is having another even in June, you may want to check that out.  Is there a writing contest you can enter?  A query you can send?  A personal goal that you have for yourself in health, fitness, or wellness?  A new job you want to apply for? Are you brave enough to share publicly a goal you’ve set for yourself?

Why not do something for yourself this summer?  I’m calling it my Selfish Summer even though I’m inflicting it upon my kids.  Really they don’t have a choice, I’m drafting them. They’ll thank me for it later, maybe.

As Scarlett O’Hara once said “After all tomorrow is another day.”  I shall add “to write” to my version without the hoop skirt or tears.

Write on my friends, write on!

Reality Check

Summer is fast approaching.  I know that.  The end of school is rapidly approaching – I knew that too.

However, reality slapped me square in the face like a brick wall.  My kids only have 4 1/2 days of school left then they will be here full-time.  We’re still hoping for a summer job for the oldest, but so far no success. This is sooooo going to put a cramp in my writing schedule.

Yay for them, but this means that I will have to change my routine – yet again.  The oldest has no concept of time.  She plans to lounge in bed till ten or so, get up at her leisure, spend an hour writing her fan fiction, go with me to work out for an hour, eat lunch, then go to the pool in the afternoon.  I don’t know about you, but if you count from 10 am, to 5 pm which is when I start preparing dinner, there’s no way to get all of that in.  Reality is going to hit her hard in about 7 days.  First of all, our exercise blitz will start earlier in the day so that we’re not in the heat of the day.

Last night the family had some major issues with my writing.  I was working on my blog when the kids got home from school.  I didn’t give them my full undivided attention as I was trying to finish.  When I got the laptop out to write some after clearing the table from dinner, the hubs complained. You know it’s nice to be in demand, sometimes.  My kids are teenagers. Aren’t they suppose to want more independence?  Anyway, they were having issues over my writing.  Not the content as they never read anything I write.  I have a feeling that when my summer blog share for Storytime Trysts begins next Tuesday (May 22, 2012), it’s probably a good thing the hubs doesn’t read my stuff.  Talk about sizzle!  The introductory chapter is mild enough, but from Day 1 on her trip, Stephanie is on a no holds barred adventure.

She’s braver than me,  I was blushing while writing it!

I’m pretty stoked about this blog share project, as well as the one on RCGale’s blog.  In addition to that, I’m getting closer to the end of Kiss of the Dragon (copyright 2012 Ellie Mack).  The story is written more or less, but remember when I said I write myself big notes with capital letters about INSERT LOVE SCENE HERE?  There are several actually.  At the meeting of the dragon lords, I left a big WHAT DO MEN FIGHT ABOUT ANYWAY? that sparked conversations with the husband and a couple of online male friends.   The general consensus was: pride, ego and women.  In a section where Zane discovers the truth about dragon law and how his father handled it, I put a big note:  RESEARCH NOTES: CHRONICLES; KINGS; CONSEQUENCES.  That may not make sense to you, but it’s clear as Swarovski crystal to me.

I’m currently working on the final battle scene.  It’s all there except a few minor details, but as we know the devil is in the details.  My perfectly clear note to myself at this point to explain the past-present-future-present conundrum was: ???????????   I’m brilliant aren’t I?  I should have thought this out, but during NaNoWriMo I was writing as fast as I could get it down.  All of my other notes have research files, information, the direction I want to develop, or  perhaps just something to make the scene more believable.

For instance, in the dragon lord meeting; have you ever been in a board meeting with a bunch of men?  Oh my!  And they say women can’t stay on track.  In one particular meeting while working for the DOD, we were discussing targets for Desert Storm.  The media had published images of one of our targets being blown up – a 6 foot square power pylon.  Now think about the logistics of that and your faith in our military should be increased.  From a height of 35000 ft, we drop a bomb to take out the power pylon successfully that is only 6 ft square at the base.  You don’t need to know calculus here, just admit it’s amazing.   OK, well maybe not as amazing as dropping one down the elevator shaft of a ten story building.  That was just freaking awesome!

At this meeting they showed the footage from tv.  We were given “patent” responses to say to any media personnel regarding US targeting.  Five minutes later the guys were fervently debating which football team’s cheerleaders were hotter.  Yep; pride, ego and women.  Great strategists derailed by a shiny, especially if the shiny happens to be on a woman prancing around in a short sequined outfit.

Dragons are very carnal creatures that can become violent over their women folk.  Nations have gone to war over women throughout history.  Dragons are intense creatures with strong convictions.  Sometimes fate can override the strongest convictions in a split second, forever changing the course of time.  Knowing the consequences of jumping through time and how it affects the future, which was Isabelle’s present – well, it gets confusing if the details aren’t ironed out just exactly so.

I was hoping to have all of this completed, and begin editing for grammatical errors before school let out. As I’m untangling a knot that I’ve made, time is slipping away from me.  I don’t know if 4 1/2 days are enough to get it ironed out to my satisfaction.

I might mention here that I stopped by the store after leaving the Y from my aqua class, and stocked up on coffee.  I bought 6 cans of french roast, yeah the big cans.  that might last through the summer if the hubs wants any.  Now it’s down to crunch time, pushing myself for this self-imposed deadline.  (It’s usually self-imposed as a writer.)

I have plans for the summer with the writing, which I’ve shared. Fitness goals, household goals, and fun time goals. There are several movies coming out this summer that the girls and I would like to see.  I’ve set up some potential rewards for achieving certain goals, one of which will be going to the matinée.

It’s all about time management really.  It’s an area I struggle with.  I’ve added a few more irons to my fire, and time management is becoming an increasingly important aspect.  We don’t have a family vacation planned. but I have several day trips, and fun outings planned for me and  my girls.  My oldest daughter will be a senior in high school in the fall, then off to college.  I want it to be an enjoyable summer, but there’s work to be done as well.  I still have to do the day job, and plan to continue the writing as well.

As I tweak my schedule yet again, I am feeling very optimistic for this upcoming summer.  I’ll let you know next Thursday if I’ve met my goal or not.

Write ON!