I’m a Survivor

Hello!  Is anybody out there?

*tap tap tap*

I want to get off this crazy carousel that my life has been this past month! 

I had plans and goals –  they’ve been tossed out the window.  I’ve had intentions but we know how many roads are paved with those, right?

So, to catch you up to where things are with me:

• Have been all but living at the hospital – ICU, waiting room, regular room, and now rehab center.
• Have NOT had the focus nor the time to do any writing.
• Have NOT made any progress on Fury, thus my release date will be pushed back.
•  Have managed to piss off family – something  I seem to be a pro at.
• Have been derailed from my progress with the green smoothies by existing on hospital cafeteria foods -yuck.

Now to get back on track, and take control back over at least part of our lives.

My BFF Misty referred me to an awesome video that I am going to share at the end, that really hit home with me. Thanks Misty,  I so needed that!

Life for the past few weeks has been in a complete state of turmoil. In any sort of family crisis, tensions are high and people lash out and blame others for everything.   Trust me,  I get it.  I understand why; still doesn’t make it right. So in addition to feeling emotionally like everyone’s whipping girl, the self-doubt, the self-criticism for failing to meet my goals had me at the bottom of the pit, not even daring to look up to see how far I had to climb out.

So what do you do when life deals you a raw hand? Do you lash out? Do you roll over and play dead? Do you take it? Blame others? OR do you set your face like flint and muster through it?

It’s never fun – never! Regardless of how you deal with it.  But how you deal with it is the most important single element to determining how your life will be in the future.

It’s not about what life deals you,  it’s how you deal with the life you’ve been given.

I so want to rant and out everyone’s indiscretions, their finger pointing,  the unfairness, but what will that help? NOTHING

Even when you feel that it’s a situation that you can’t overcome, you probably can but it’s going to come down to your attitude, and what you do with it.

I was sexually abused from age 3 to 10. THAT does NOT define me.  I let it overshadow me, make me feel like damaged goods,  like I was good for nothing for too many years until I learned not to be a victim.  I WAS a victim as a child,  but I am a SURVIVOR!

I faced rejection from my mother, and have had many other issues because of those roots of rejection.  BUT, that does not define me. My mother made her choices, as I have made choices to love and respect her and value the good in life. I WAS rejected by my mother, but I am a SURVIVOR! I want my children to know they were wanted, planned and are loved every day of their lives!

I was diagnosed with cancer, which completely turned my life on end. I WAS a cancer patient,  I AM a Survivor!

The current drama life is violently shoving in my face -amateur! You clearly don’t know who you are dealing with here. Let me clarify for you – I am a survivor! 

I will deal with whatever comes my way. As Kelly Clarkson sings – What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller, Doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone. What doesn’t kill you makes a fighter, footsteps even lighter, doesn’t mean I’m over ’cause you’re gone.

I’m not going to roll over and play dead.  I’m not going to keep taking the hits and not fight back. If I get knocked down, I’ll get back up. Life deals us some tough blows, so I take the time to recover and get back up.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.  Nobody does! but I will face it head on. Change is scary. Being the one to  make the necessary changes is scary. That’s OK. I’ve stared Cancer in the face.

I was going to play catch up on my A to Z Challenge for April, but that seemed less important than the motivational  words to shake off the muck and mire.  I hope you got something out of this.

Write on my friends, write on!